I NEED A CHANGE 32 - WAYS TO STOP PROCRASTINATING (EDITION 1)

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - We all have good intentions and desires for our lives. We set goals and even define objectives in order to meet those goals breaking down our big dream into manageable portions. It is human nature to desire to want more out of life than that which we already have and so often we vow to get all that we desire and we even convince ourselves that we deserve it. The reality is we do deserve it, we just have to motivate ourselves to believe in ourselves regardlesss to the surrounding circumstances. Don't let ANYTHING get in your way! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

So all that motivation sounded good huh? Well, let me wipe it right off your face because there is a force at work against motivation and success. One of the things that impedes that progress are four little words: "I'll do it later"! Not only do those words affect us in such a negative fashion, but the reality of frustration works against us to keep us away from our good intentions and desire. These two things working together forces us into a place of inactivity and the forfeiture of success!

Today, I would like to offer three tips to help both you and I to forfeit ill-success and thwart procrastination and frustration out of our lives.

1) KNOW YOURSELF - One must always take into account the effects that procrastination and frustration has on oneself. Not only that, you must consider how they begin to take effect in your life. What type of moods or experiences bring on frustration or your desire to procrastinate?

Having insight into this helps to prevent you from feeling inadequate because you don't have unnecessary concerns on you concerning how you will get something done and you can safely identify behaviors are not conducive to success which will allow you to curb those behaviors in order to continue reaching for your dreams.

2) MANAGE YOUR TIME WISELY - There are not enough hours to go around in a day in order for us to get all that we need done "done"! We must accept that we can only do so much with the time we are given. Adding too much to our plate is not going to help us to become effective and an expert at anything and will force us into mediocrity in all things. In order to alleviate this, we need to learn to create timetables so that we can get done what we need to get done. Whether we work on several projects one day out of the week per project or work on one project until we move on to another: We must learn to be time-management centric. Not only that but we need to also compare our desired time-table to our actual performance. This will help us to plan our time more effectively and give us the ability to plan more effectively in the future.

This will help us to simplify our working patterns and effectively plan our lives. This will also help to improve the quality of our work and will alleviate stress from our lives. This in turn will keep away those feelings of inadequacy which makes us frustrated and leads to procrastination.

3) CHANGE PERSPECTIVES - How we think is so important, it is in our minds that we make up whether something will be successful or unsuccessful. When we consider our assignments and the
things that we put our hands to, we need to consider what brought us to those assignments? Was it money, was it prestige, was it a hand up, was it based on just what we could get at the time, or did it have a soul calling to us? Many times we forget about why we began to do certain things or why we have taken on certain assignments and as such we need to navigate through our thoughts and recall why we began and then reassess whether or not that purpose is still serving us. If it does not, we need to find a way to another project. Also, we need to learn to venture out a little more and consider things that we may have not considered in the past because it was not "interesting" to us. For instance, I had no interest in line dancing and kinda thought it was stupid. One day I went line dancing and had the best time of my life! It was important for me to experience something outside of my immediate interest to find that I have other interests further than even I could consider.

Doing this will help us to identify our personal goals and will improve our relationship with others and with ourselves. Learning how to deal with oneself is the first step in learning how to connect with others who may or may not be like you. Lastly, when we re-think, we remove intimidation and can then focus on what is most important about the assignment that we have taken on!

When all is said and done, we must learn to master certain aspects of ourselves in order to move on and become and remain successful in our lives!

Here's to SUCCESS FOR EVERYONE and being free of procrastination!

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD


MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKE US BETTER PEOPLE (Edition 3)

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - There are times in life where it seems like we are consistently on the losing end of things. Life is designed as a conundrum of so many experiences: some positive, some negative but all for our benefit. Use the experiences of life to shift your life and to build you into what you desire to see. The reality is growth comes because of opposing force, without the opposition there will be no growth. You cannot be receptive to growth without being receptive to the opposition that causes that growth!

There was a song many years ago that said "sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine." I think that song is a fitting song for today's harsh truth. We are living in a digital world that is socialized and connected. Not only do we now have access to the internet for information, we have access to the internet on particular things in this planet, sooner than later, people will be able look up you body temperature and any issues with your body by simply typing in your name. It's just not about reference anymore, it's about the internet of things specifically: PEOPLE!

Think about it for a moment, what types of shows are mostly on tv now? I mean it started with the Real World so many years ago but now just about every tv show is a reality based show peering behind the closed doors of people's lives and making it into a public spectacle. People are hating people simply based upon the characters that people play on reality based tv. Now, do not get me wrong, I love reality based tv just like anyone else, however, why can we not get something authentic, real, and not so full of drama? Why? Because we love drama, we love the read, we love the issues surrounding people's lives. It makes us feel better about our own lives and makes us seem better than some of these people because we see all their "behind the door drama" so we judge them when in reality if people put up some camera's in some of our homes we wouldn't be able to show face in our local community anymore!

What am I getting at...we ALL have issues and not only do we all have issues, we all have things that we need to work on not for other people's sake, but for our own sake! If our goal is to honestly be better people we must...

SEEK OUT THE FAULTS WITHIN OURSELVES AND CORRECT THEM!

Yes, we have to be introspective about our own issues and even when we seemingly have no way of correcting them, our goal must be seeking to correct them by any means necessary.

The reality is that many times the faults we find in others that we detest are not too far from the faults that we have in ourselves that we do not desire to acknowledge. We can no longer escape through the blame game, we must work through our own issues. Paul said to work out your own soul salvation with fear and trembling! What Paul was in essence saying to look at yourself and figure out the issue within you. It will cause fear but in the end you will be a better person!

So today I challenge everyone to look at yourself instead of lying to yourself! That's what we do instead of looking at ourselves, we look at the epitome of what we desire! Our harsh truth today is that you are liar and you are the first partaker of your personal lie! Stop lying to yourself and assume responsibility for becoming a better person FOR YOU!

Here's to exposure to the lie and liar and healing through the hurt of the false self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD


MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 30 - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE (EDITION 2)

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Ensuring that things get done can be a very daunting and scary process. Even when you have gone through all the pre-work, the post-production and desire of all the prework may not even yield the results for which you are seeking. In all of this, we have been conditioned to instead procrastinate and not do as we should do and ensure that we have done our very best but it starts with our mindset. The beginning mindset is that of motivation and encouragement. The foremost area of encouragement is your own self! Donald Lawrence wrote, "sometimes, you have to encourage yourself, sometimes you have to speak victory during the tests..." and this is what has to happen at the beginning of our plans and goals. Nobody can motivate you like you can motivate yourself, so motivate yourself by speaking to yourself and be encouraged to start the task at hand!

Lao Tzu once said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This proves just as true today as it did years ago when it was written. The issue: We do not want to begin that journey because we think it is too much of a task to do so. When we think something is too "tasking" we usually do not do well at that task and it's at that point that we need a reality check!

The reality check for today is not a nice one, it's downright rude, however, these are harsh truths to make us BETTER PEOPLE. It's not about what is nice but it is about helping each and every individual to make some much needed and desired changes in their lives. Have you read the newspapers, looked at the news, gone to a high school or an elementary school for that matter lately? Well if you have, then you know that we have to come up with some real solutions to hep people to identify with life and to assist in making change possible.

So what could be so harsh about making a change? Well when the change is all about you stepping up to the plate or taking a seat it gets to be a little more harsh as it hits close to home! So what does all of this mean? It means, "if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen!"

Alec Baldwin in a speech he gave in a movie stated that he doesn't care if you're a nice guy! It doesn't matter if you're a good father, you should go home and play with your kids but, if you want to remain employed in that line of business they have to "close!"

What does it mean to close?
A lot of people have heard this term in life especially in association with the stock market or real estate. They close on a stock exchange deal or they close on a real estate exchange, basically, they are saying MAKE US MONEY! Closing is in essence bringing money into the business and ensuring the livelihood of those who work for the business and bringing a dividend for the investors into the business who own stock, shares, or some type of invested interest into the company! So, how does closing apply to us in life? How is a dividend going to help me in my life especially if it's not based on cash value and cash assets and therefore not marketable?

The Most Important Asset in the World!
Most people concern themselves with money way too much and way too often. Yes I'm aware that we have to pay bills, take our kids school shopping, mortgage, insurance, gas, food, lights, water, and we dare not forget about the entertainment on weekends and the like. We in the United States are a bunch of consumers and so the bottom line is the cash value but we neglect the inherent value of people: OF OURSELVES. The most important asset in the world is the capital of humanity and the investment that we have to allow ourselves to play the role.

If someone makes money from us, WE ALLOWED IT! So what are you going to do about someone making millions off of your singular investment while only giving you $2k a month for more that 160 hours of work? After bills you have no money left to LIVE LIFE!

There are so many people that says that if you don't have any money left over after you pay bills to do the things that you desire to do, then you are a responsible adult. That may be very true, however, the irresponsible adults are doing the things that we desire to do and although we may not have to deal with evictions and lights cut off, we then demonize them for "having fun" and being "irresponsible." How "responsible" is that of us?

It is from the median of both of these extremes that we can learn a valuable lesson...life is about responsibility but life is also about upward mobility and living as well! So how do we cope, what do we do...WE HAVE TO LEARN TO CLOSE!

Sometimes we have to close some doors on some jobs we have and take some steps in life that we do not wish to take. For instance, nobody wants to move back in with their parents but the reality is sometimes it's best to do so in order that you learn how to take care of yourself. Build yourself until you begin CLOSING! We must close if we are going to take advantage of the untapped potential found in humanity to not only lift ourselves up but to uplift someone else!

NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYTHING THAT YOU DO UNTIL YOU CLOSE!

Yes it is rude but it is also honest as to the expectation of the world; however, the difference between me an the world is that the world says that it is wrong to tell you nobody cares about you and would instead like to see you consistently be a failure because they won't give you the tools needed to encourage yourself to keep moving. Most people will give up their dreams if they do not have some form of "negative" reinforcement to help propel them into encouraging themselves and that's where I come into let you know that it's not ok for you to keep failing! I desire above all things that you succeed so I give you what you need so that you will be able to recognize the inherent value of yourself and continue to push forward into success!

This is not about money...THIS IS ABOUT CLOSING FOR YOURSELF! Invest in your human capacity and watch your life begin to change! Nobody will EVER care about you, UNTIL YOU care about you and your desire to manifest the best in your own life...sometimes at the detriment of others! Yes...YOU have to learn to be selfish for yourself instead of being selfish to yourself more often!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your better self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD


MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 919.741.2997 or Ofc: 832.422.8178

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 29 - HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE (EDITION 1)

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - You are a gifted and wonderfu creation. There is nothing about you that isn't great and magnificent. You are the epiome of greatness and all that potential energy in you is awaiting to synthesize with your action to produce the kenetic culture we call life and living. So, stop living life from the perspective of who you are not but instead...let's work within the parameters of who you are and LIVE THE LIFE that will better you as an individual.

"DO WHAT?" So many people ask that question when they have been given an instruction of something that they don't agree with on a moral, philosophical, or cultural reasoning, however, you do things that are against those grains DAILY, the difference is that people can see you (or at least the person who asked you to do it can) and because we have been taught the art of lying by saying if nobody sees me do it, it is akin to not having done it. We let our guards down when nobody is around but when someone is around we feel as if we have a reputation to keep and an image to uphold, however, when we have a tainted image, why would we want to uphold that image?

'Cause nobody saw me do those things so my image isn't bad at all...I have an impeccable image in the community, upstanding and wonderful.'

Boo boo...let me be the one to tell you that just because nobody saw it, doesn't mean that somebody didn't tell it and your image is not only negative, it is going to get you nowhere no matter whose organization you join with, no matter who you become friends with,and no matter whose board you are allowed to sit on...YOUR IMAGE IS TARNISHED!

So why are you saying "DO WHAT?" as if it's such a bad thing...you don't even know what I want you to do yet! So, let's figure it out together shall we 'cause honestly, I don't even know at this point.

JUST A SIDE NOTE: If your career is great and you're thrilled about your wonderful life and your relationships are just awesome. Please enjoy the rest of your day and stop reading through this rubbish. You are doing a great job on your own and I'm so proud of you, as a matter of fact, everyone who reads this article will be proud of you as well. So please, don't waste your time by sitting here for it will be totally mind numbing for you anwill make you wish you shot yourself in the head with an automatic weapon. If however you don't fit within that special group of people...THIS IS FOR YOU!

EXERCISE #1
Name seven (7) impressive things about yourself! You can write them down (I like to write so I write) or just say them aloud or hey even better just walk up to a complete stranger and tell them those seven impressive things about yourself. Now, here is the greatness about this, you CANNOT say anything that you are! You must name seven impressive things that you do! Yes, what do you do? Not "who you are" but "what you do." Go ahead, I'll wait...

How hard did you find that to do? Was it really that difficult? Why do you think that was so difficult? For some of you that was easy wasn't it? For those of us where this was easy, we found it easy because we learned a principle years ago or maybe a few hours ago that helped us to accept that we are powerful and that we can definitely do what it takes to get the job done but more importantly that what we know how to do is important! For those of us who found this absurd and hard, we are still taking the time to learn that self-same process and guess what it is okay. We are where others have been in life and we are further along in life and bettering ourselves than half the United States...either way we are in good company and we must give ourselves a hand for that.

EXERCIS #2
Give yourself a standing ovation for 2 minutes and be serious! Cheer, root, clap, run around in circles, do whatever you do when you really like somebody for what they do. Yes, you may even cry, snot, and pass out. Whatever you feel like you must do and what you do for other people, DO IT FOR YOURSELF for two minutes (AT LEAST) everyday...ok, go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.

So now, what you're going to hate to hear...you knew it was coming I don't know why you thought it wasn't! The title of this is HARSH TRUTHS THAT MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE...so here is Harsh Truth #1, I hope you're ready and when I say it, I'm sure you'll be able to identify with it...here you go...relgious people and the like...I hope you're ready for it 'cause it is HARSH and downright NOT RIGHT AND NOT COOL! Ok, so here it is...

THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS WORLD ONLY CARES ABOUT YOU WHEN THEY CAN GET SOMETHING FROM YOU
Yes I know the earth is the L-rds and the fullness thereof and they that dwell therein, however, stop doing something for someone or a group of people and see how quickly they dispense of you! I know people who have had jobs where when they couldn't make it to church because they were going to work, the church issued them a letter of release (and yes they were sending in tithes and offerings). Understand that your money isn't always good enough, instead, your presence means so much more in differing settings for differing reasons to different people!

Ok, so who do you love the most? Think about it, the one person that you just LOVE LOVE LOVE! Get them fixated into your mind! See their face. See you doing stuff with them. Remember some of those crazy fun times you had together! Now, you're having those fun times and all of a sudden they fall on the ground...they just got shot! They are lying down in the middle of the street bleeding and screaming and someone rushes up and says "Step aside," and then he looks over the bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife...yes, he's gonna operate and remove the bullet right there in the middle of the street.

My first response kicks in to ask, "hey, are you a doctor or surgeon or indian spiritual healer?" and his reply to me is "No, I just saw this on House last night...," so of course I'm like, "don't you think we should call someone who knows what they are doing before you injure my love even worse" and he's so annoyed and he turns and looks at you and yells at you, "Hey, I'm a nice freaking guy, I'm honest, I'm always on time, I wash my hands four and five times a day, I'm a great son, and I'm a very well rounded individual and I never use foul language."

So...HOW DOES ANY OF THAT HELP YOUR LOVE LYING ON THE GROUND BLEEDING AND PROBABLY NOW UNCONSIOUS? "The truth is before I allow you to stick a knife into someone I love I need to know that you know what you're doing is the point. Can you do that?" Now you've gone and done it, you keep questioning this man when he's trying to save your loved one. You are being shallow and selfish! Did you not hear about all of his other amazing qualities that he told you?

In light of all the other amazing things that he does and all that he is...does it truly matter if he knows how to perform surgery? YES, IT MATTERS A GREAT DEAL. One slip of a knife and your loved one could be the next funeral you attend. So here is the TERRIBLE AWFUL of this situation: YOU ARE IN THAT VERY SITUATION EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE! The only difference is you're the person with the pocket knife and all of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.

You try to tell people how beautiful you are, or how lovely you are, or how wonderful you are and society constantly shuns you and you often wonder why you get no respect from society. The answer is simple. It is because society is in full need of things and what you are offering (good looks, pretty face, good hair, cute shoes, big booty, big other things, etc...) is not answering th key things necessary to survival. Society needs food, entertainment, homes, fulfilling sexual relationships and non-sexual friendships. They are needy and you show up at the scene of the emergency wielding a pocket knife with no set skills in order to know how to properly utilize a pocket knife.

By virtue of your birth, you were born into a system designed to meet the needs of people. So, you're going to either learn how to use that pocket knife (whatever it may be) to seeing to the needs of the people by acquiring unique skills and abilities OR the world will continue to reject you no matter how nice of a person you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, and you will be left out in the cold! No if's, and's, or but's!

Does that seem mean or cold? THere is love and kindness and yes they matter...as long as it results in you DOING things for people that they are not getting anywhere else...if there is an offer for it elsewhere, you're going to have to do it better and leave a remarkable impression upon the people you serve.

The hospitality industry is not huge business because of simplicity of function, it's huge because people like to be catered to...even when they are poor!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your better self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 28 - ACCEPTANCE OF MY SEXUAL SELF!

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Stay anchored in the moment and trust that gut feeling, many times it can and will lead to great and awesome adventures of self-exploration and self-expression. It is when we feel like we know what we are doing that we end up thinking too much becoming lost in questions, judgments, doubts, and fears that do not define us but seek to cause us to question our reality. It's amazing how something that isn't real has the ability to cause of to question and re-think what we are in reality experiencing as truth. Remember that many of the best things in life are not planned but they just happen and we as humans all have these wonderful gifts to offer to the world, it is up to us to choose to offer these gifts.

As people, many times we choose to accept all of our other selves except the two most important "the AUTHENTIC self" and "the SEXUAL self." These two "selves" has caused so much turmoil in our lives because societal standards and mores have taught against the experience of these "selves" and has conditioned us to live in the reality of "the INFERRED self." While living in "the INFERRED self" our "sexual self" has run amok and we end up "overacting" and not accepting!

Today I am working to reclaim my sexual self by learning and teaching others to love and accept their bodies and their sexuality by "re-visualizing" them and to learn to see them differently and not take what others have said about their parts and negate them and relegate them to a mere existence but to bring connectivity to the whole body.

SAY IT...PENIS!!!
SAY IT...VAGINA!!!

Most women from very early on are taught to fear penises! I've heard stories of young ladies being told that if they have sex that they would bleed to death. Likewise I've heard stories where boys were told if they have sex that they would get stuck like a dog. These stories don't teach, these stories scare people into not doing something that's natural AND causes them to look at the opposites parts as death traps! So we have grown women who are married who are fearful of their husbands penises. We have grown men who are married who are fearful of seeing and looking at their wives vaginas. Yes, I understand the motives were to protect the innocence of a child, however, at what point do we end the fear and grow to not only love, accept, and bring positive light to our own genitals but begin to see the opposites sex genitals as gifts not to be forsaken or feared but to be explored and loved?

The fear of penises that are instilled in girls is supposed to cause a healthy self-defensive fear of men to prevent rape, abuse, disrespect and aggression. The fear of vaginas that are instilled in boys is supposed to curb a young mans appetite for sexual exploration with young women so as not to cause pregnancy and to help him develop a sense of appreciation for vagina's as he matures. The issue within both of these is that both people mature and the exact opposite of the purpose is what occurs in the lives of both individuals due to social stimuli. Women still fear means penises as adults and attempt to hide that fact by many times becoming promiscuous and "self-identified" as "sexually free." Men mature and are taught that in order to subdue and to make a woman feel right you have to "beat it down" or she won't respect you! Both of these scenarios play out in the lives of most of our young-adults daily and it all stems from not having a healthy understanding of their own equipment because fear begets fear and not only are we scaring these children to fear the opposite genders' sexual parts, we are in essence teaching them to fear their own. After the fear, these young men and young women get together with other young men and women who are trying to teach one another not to fear by comparing how big they are to one another's who who made the girl they just ran a train on scream the loudest or how wet someone got. We grow up into adulthood with these fears of our own devices as well as those of others and get married and expect to have positive productive SEXUAL relationships with our spouses. How can you expect to have a positive sexual relationship when you are afraid of the sexual parts that are utilized for relationship?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
It's very simple, we must begin to retrain our minds about sexuality and sexual organs. The best way to begin to do this is to seek out erotic ART (NOT PORN) and begin to explore the various nuances of what these parts look like separated and then what they look like while actively involved with one another! How do they complement one another? How are they receptive to one another? These are the types of things that we must teach ourselves and then we must learn to love the self of who we are!

When was the last time you looked in the mirror at your naked self? When was the last time you honored your nakedness appreciate all your entire body from head to toe? Have you ever been taught that you need to honor and appreciate your nude form...to love your nude form?

No, I'm not trying to turn you into a nudist (I'm not one) but your ability to love, appreciate, and honor your whole body INCLUDING YOUR GENITALS without having to touch yourself or possess it is essential to learning to respect and love and honor the body and genitals of the one you are with.

We have to learn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners without the feeling that they need to possess or attack us in the process. It's good to be able to be watched or to watch your partner sexually pleasure themselves or to be erotic with our bodies for our partner to really learn to respect your body (and vice-versa). Learn to simply look and enjoy and accept people AS THEY ARE.

It is important to relearn how to see the human body (including a penis ejaculating or a woman having an orgasm) as a beautiful thing rather than something taboo, forbidden, dirty, or sinful. In order to do this we must learn to re-see these things with acceptance and compassion and not from being fearful and suspicious about them while concentrating on the physical senses of what it is supposed to be. We must unlearn abuse and rekindle the form of respect for the body that was once cherished.

So rekindle that desire to see yourself and others in a positive light and begin exploring your own genitals and see they are not to be feared...likewise, neither are the opposites sex genitals to cause fear!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your sexual self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 27 - DATING: REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS LEAD TO AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Everyone wants commitment, especially in relationships: whether they be friendships, sexual relationships, or romantic relationships...all of us have a goal of a certain level of commitment that we want the other person(s) to adhere to for our own personal well being. In dating, in order to evoke commitment we must be willing to deal with and face hard truths such as you are NOT the perfect person who does not need any improvement, on the contrary, you probably need a lot of improvement in many areas of your life, however, that does not disqualify you from receiving that level of commitment that you desire but it does mean that you will have to begin weighing people and the options they present very carefully against the desires of your own heart. So learn to emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses by doing introspective WORK that leads to a change in your persona. Attraction and confidence are not simply given, they are learned skills and when you learn how to utilize them, you will become more honest not only with others but yourself and in freeing yourself from social ills and creating a space of social freedom you will be willing to show your true and authentic self to the one you desire and they will in turn respond to your veracity.

REALISM - THE ART OF DATING
Does appearances matter to other people? YES! Don't be fooled! What you look like and how you present yourself has MUCH to do with whether someone approaches you or not. The issue is that people are too far hung on appearances when they are seeking "THE ONE." Now,if you're just seeking "THE ONE FOR NOW," by all means stick with appearances and nothing more because it's not meant to work anyway, however, if you are seeking something deep and meaningful you have to do some introspective and cognitive reasoning.

Simple Exercise - Get up from the computer and find a full length mirror, take off all of your clothes and check yourself out. You're gorgeous aren't you? Fine as wine huh? Sexy and you know it? Now notice the difference between yourself and the last person that you WISHED you looked like!

Now, since your bubble has been busted, we can go a little further shall we? Do not mistake me, LOVE YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, it is of utmost importance for you to do so, however, be realistic concerning your image. To gain some perspective, consider the last person that you said to yourself that you WISHED you looked like. In other words, be realistic about your appearance while you're staring into someone's eyes you're attempting to want to get to know.

We all have something attractive about us that we think about ourselves and that we perceive that others think as well, however, that's not always the image that we have in our head. So, if you want something meaningful and not a fly by night, consider looking further than a face, some breasts or a nicely defined chest, a nice rump, some gorgeous curves, or that knot in the front of some nicely fit slacks. Yes, it is important to get the type of individual that you are attracted to, however, attractiveness works both ways and many times we forsake the depth, personality, and values system of people over the good looks! A woman who wants to get with a man because he's sexy and packing and gives her something she can feel who gives up the value of herself by allowing him to beat on her and blacken her eyes...what type of relationship is that and why would anyone want to remain therein?

THERE ARE NO MONEY BACK GUARANTEES
As much as many of us (both men and women) wish, there are no money back guarantees when it comes to dating! Men who choose to impress a woman with his fat bank account by taking her to the most expensive restaurants and cruises and buying her the newest pair of "Red Bottoms" cannot complain when the woman that he's spoiled is found to be a gold-digging whore who would sleep with his best friend if he could take better care of her or someone finds her with another opportunity to do "better." Likewise ladies, don't be upset when you find out that he's a no good dude who would sleep with you and everyone else he finds attractive, after all, you did give it up to him within the first few hours of meeting! Also, for all of you other women out there who didn't go that route, what were the first things he talked about with you? What did he ask you? How did he get to know you? Did he make a press to come and see you or did you have to figure out how you were going to go see him and miraculously he didn't want to go out! On the contrary, he wanted to stay in and cuddle! So, whatever you've spent your money on, there are no guarantees that you'll get back what you decide to invest into the building of a relationship.

Not only are there no money back guarantees, there is no time limit on how long you may have to search! As I sit and type this, it's been an eight (8) year journey for me being single (of course there were some dates, a few romances but mostly people who didn't want the same things that I wanted but I was willing to let go of my "money" in order to see if what I knew wouldn't work COULD work). I've been in search mode for eight years, some people longer than I, for others a few months and they've seemingly found the one they can love who will love them back! Each of our journey's are as unique as our finger prints and the journey that we have to take sometimes is not always the quickest, however, the journey will always lead us to success (whatever that means for us individually).

The question before beginning on the dating journey should be, am I committed to this cause? You will meet some gorgeous people who you will reject, there will be some gorgeous people who will reject you and all of the rejection is based upon an image that has been created inside of someone's head of what they consider their soul mate should look like. The question is are you presenting what your ideal soul mate desires in his/her mind?! It's a hard question because although we all want to see ourselves as the best thing since sliced bread, if all we're going on is looks, you should be prepared to be judged by the exact standard by which you place upon another and no matter how well put together you are, there is ALWAYS someone who can come to say "you're not all that" simply by their presence.

So what are we to do? How are we to deal with this? Take that same image of your ideal soul mate. You know the one that has everything you want and THROW IT AWAY. Let's begin with a clean canvass that has nothing on it! Open yourself up to the possibility that your ideal mate is not in your head but can moreso be found within your heart. If you would start with a clean slate, you can successfully open yourself up to meeting new and interesting people which may not only stimulate your body but will stimulate your mind and spirit!

SO YOU'RE OPEN...WHAT NEXT?
The fun begins here! Conversely, this is also the area that needs most of the work and drastic improvements have to come. Let me ask a question...If you could live your life really being who you are...how would you behave? What would be noticeable about you? What's "authentic" about you that would make you more appealing to the ones you would like to notice you? Those are the questions that you must answer! Do you think that you would be attracted to an obnoxious jerk? Or possibly an over inflated pompous loud mouth? Now ask yourself...is that who you are?

Hard truth...people in public many times become their authentic self when they think that no one is looking! When your guard is down and you can simply be you and there is seemingly no judgment, you become the authentic you that many times you refuse to see and recognize because you decided that person doesn't exist based upon societal standards and mores. So, who do people see and would you date that person if that person wasn't you? Another hard truth...if you wouldn't date that person, there is a good chance that you do act that way and that is what people see when they see you!

We have to get over our fear of being ourselves! In order to be "self" we must work towards understanding who we are! Truthfully, how many of your thoughts and opinions do you share with the world? If you were to share many of your thoughts you'd no doubt be considered racist, misogynistic, insane, stupid, ignorant, sexist, etc...however, in relationships, these things you have to share with one another in order to know whether you would work together to build upon one anothers foundation.

It's a deep journey of personal transformation but you can get there but we have to learn to be authentic and realistic in our pursuits! Now, since we have gotten to realism concerning ourselves, we can be authentic in our expectation of "THE ONE." Now you must consider your personality and what personality types go well with you and when we do that, we are ready for our first date.

Be realistic and be authentic and while you're doing that...go and speak to as many people as you desire. Don't be afraid just go right up and introduce yourself and enjoy the feeling being authentic while getting to know someone that you may not normally give a chance to even converse!

I'm not saying devalue yourself by picking people you have no attraction to, however, if you're an average joe a super model just may not be attracted to you! Be realistic in your expectations and if someone doesn't meet your expectations...don't feel bad, let them down easily, and move on to someone more suitable for what you are seeking!

Have fun keeping it real...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE 26 - THE AUTHENTIC INNER YOU!

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Have you ever thought about how much you dislike the world or how much you hate your own life? How often do you do it? The truth is this, if you have thought it more than ONCE, you would much rather sit around and do nothing about your circumstances or the world around you! If we want to change something, we must first act: In order to act we must sometimes take chances! If we would truly understand the first action is usually the most difficult, it is the risk and chance of being honest with ourselves.

THE AUTHENTIC INNER YOU
Why do we constantly hide the authentic inner SELF? Why do we constantly wait to step into the fullness of SELF and become the greatness and magnificence that we are destined to be? When will we make the decision that we have taken all that we will take? Are we not tired of being broke; lonely; penny-less; living from check to check and hoping that we can make ends wave? What about you? The authentic inner you that is screaming for release!

The new year is swiftly approaching! In two weeks we will have entered 2012: a time of new possibilities and opportunities to fulfill our greatness. We can use these last two weeks to re-write and over-write the novels that have already been written! We must take the time to open up and stop hiding our authentic inner beingness! The first place is to be conscious in all that we do and understand that we must be willing to challenge the certainty of our future that we base upon our present state of consciousness, it does not appropriately measure the fullness of our possibility of life! It actually disrupts the truth of our greatness! We cannot measure our whole life based upon our present circumstance of lack! We must instead begin to measure our life based upon the greatness found within! We must not give voice to complaints in any shape, form, or fashion!

That is where all the problems begin actually! We cannot see past our present place of existence! We can't see past this present situation! I know how you feel! Like you, I have been there and honestly just came out of this place! I have even been in the position that I didn't want to live to see another moment and did not have the fight to do anything else in my life: I had simply gotten to a point of being tired. I tried everything there was to try, however, I did not try to realize and actualize the authentic inner me. The realization that we have created an alternate and imaginary captivity causes us to feel inadequate and we use this "self-defining" moment as truth, we do not see that this is only a partial reality! It is not the full truth! This is however where we usually feel that our best is far beyond our reach and that we'll never quite make it to that place yet we take a conscious leap into the unknown based upon an unconscious reality that WE ARE GREAT!

Although we made a conscious decision to leap, it was based upon an unconscious determining factor! Our goal is to make a conscious decision based upon a conscious determining factor. To get there, we must stop being the victim and we cannot blame anyone else for the things that are going on in our lives! We must become something different so that we may do something different!

WE MUST BECOME CONSCIOUS SO THAT WE MAY PRESENT THE TRUTH!

When we have learned to be conscious, we will likewise transform our lives and will be awakened to each and every possibility and live in a way that our goal is always to make our lives better and the greatest that it can possibly be! We realize that our present view that seeks to define our reality is nothing more than a construct of our own level of consciousness! If that consciousness is limited then our life view will be limited but if it is unlimited we gain the possibility of the impossible and we actualize the reality of casting off the self-limitation of this world and we robe ourselves with the limitless possibilities of our inner being!

When we can admit that life is not always going to be without controversy, however, in the imperfections can be found joy unspeakable and full of glory and can be perfected due to the level of your consciousness that has been raised from limited to limitless. Due to knowing and understanding, we can and we must learn to abandon the world of limitation and lack by letting go of what we are assured of and swan dive into the unlimited unknown and allow your consciousness to discover the unlimited reality in lieu of constantly allowing ourselves to be limited to a preconceived notion of who we are and what we can do.

There is honestly nothing that can stop us or hold us back other than an unconscious clinging to a mistaken reality of who we have been and trying to take that individual into who we are becoming. We cannot allow the comfort of who we have been to stagnant our opportunity for who we are becoming! Stop hiding from yourself and stand up in the power and fullness of the reality of your inner authentic reality and find places in your life that you can take these conscious risks so that you may be liberated to know that the only thing holding you captive is a misconstrued and limited view of yourself!

Will you discover yourself and jump into the unknown? If your answer is yes, I would like for you to schedule your 2012 Inner Healing Session with me, where I will be here to help you see what has held you back in 2011 so that you can peacefully go into 2012 and make it the year of inner healing that manifests as outward liberation!

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah Online Assembly
Mt. Sinai Holy Assembly of the True and Living G-d
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 404.579.6027

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert