I NEED A CHANGE 28 - ACCEPTANCE OF MY SEXUAL SELF!

Hello great and remarkable people!

MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT - Stay anchored in the moment and trust that gut feeling, many times it can and will lead to great and awesome adventures of self-exploration and self-expression. It is when we feel like we know what we are doing that we end up thinking too much becoming lost in questions, judgments, doubts, and fears that do not define us but seek to cause us to question our reality. It's amazing how something that isn't real has the ability to cause of to question and re-think what we are in reality experiencing as truth. Remember that many of the best things in life are not planned but they just happen and we as humans all have these wonderful gifts to offer to the world, it is up to us to choose to offer these gifts.

As people, many times we choose to accept all of our other selves except the two most important "the AUTHENTIC self" and "the SEXUAL self." These two "selves" has caused so much turmoil in our lives because societal standards and mores have taught against the experience of these "selves" and has conditioned us to live in the reality of "the INFERRED self." While living in "the INFERRED self" our "sexual self" has run amok and we end up "overacting" and not accepting!

Today I am working to reclaim my sexual self by learning and teaching others to love and accept their bodies and their sexuality by "re-visualizing" them and to learn to see them differently and not take what others have said about their parts and negate them and relegate them to a mere existence but to bring connectivity to the whole body.

SAY IT...PENIS!!!
SAY IT...VAGINA!!!

Most women from very early on are taught to fear penises! I've heard stories of young ladies being told that if they have sex that they would bleed to death. Likewise I've heard stories where boys were told if they have sex that they would get stuck like a dog. These stories don't teach, these stories scare people into not doing something that's natural AND causes them to look at the opposites parts as death traps! So we have grown women who are married who are fearful of their husbands penises. We have grown men who are married who are fearful of seeing and looking at their wives vaginas. Yes, I understand the motives were to protect the innocence of a child, however, at what point do we end the fear and grow to not only love, accept, and bring positive light to our own genitals but begin to see the opposites sex genitals as gifts not to be forsaken or feared but to be explored and loved?

The fear of penises that are instilled in girls is supposed to cause a healthy self-defensive fear of men to prevent rape, abuse, disrespect and aggression. The fear of vaginas that are instilled in boys is supposed to curb a young mans appetite for sexual exploration with young women so as not to cause pregnancy and to help him develop a sense of appreciation for vagina's as he matures. The issue within both of these is that both people mature and the exact opposite of the purpose is what occurs in the lives of both individuals due to social stimuli. Women still fear means penises as adults and attempt to hide that fact by many times becoming promiscuous and "self-identified" as "sexually free." Men mature and are taught that in order to subdue and to make a woman feel right you have to "beat it down" or she won't respect you! Both of these scenarios play out in the lives of most of our young-adults daily and it all stems from not having a healthy understanding of their own equipment because fear begets fear and not only are we scaring these children to fear the opposite genders' sexual parts, we are in essence teaching them to fear their own. After the fear, these young men and young women get together with other young men and women who are trying to teach one another not to fear by comparing how big they are to one another's who who made the girl they just ran a train on scream the loudest or how wet someone got. We grow up into adulthood with these fears of our own devices as well as those of others and get married and expect to have positive productive SEXUAL relationships with our spouses. How can you expect to have a positive sexual relationship when you are afraid of the sexual parts that are utilized for relationship?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
It's very simple, we must begin to retrain our minds about sexuality and sexual organs. The best way to begin to do this is to seek out erotic ART (NOT PORN) and begin to explore the various nuances of what these parts look like separated and then what they look like while actively involved with one another! How do they complement one another? How are they receptive to one another? These are the types of things that we must teach ourselves and then we must learn to love the self of who we are!

When was the last time you looked in the mirror at your naked self? When was the last time you honored your nakedness appreciate all your entire body from head to toe? Have you ever been taught that you need to honor and appreciate your nude form...to love your nude form?

No, I'm not trying to turn you into a nudist (I'm not one) but your ability to love, appreciate, and honor your whole body INCLUDING YOUR GENITALS without having to touch yourself or possess it is essential to learning to respect and love and honor the body and genitals of the one you are with.

We have to learn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners without the feeling that they need to possess or attack us in the process. It's good to be able to be watched or to watch your partner sexually pleasure themselves or to be erotic with our bodies for our partner to really learn to respect your body (and vice-versa). Learn to simply look and enjoy and accept people AS THEY ARE.

It is important to relearn how to see the human body (including a penis ejaculating or a woman having an orgasm) as a beautiful thing rather than something taboo, forbidden, dirty, or sinful. In order to do this we must learn to re-see these things with acceptance and compassion and not from being fearful and suspicious about them while concentrating on the physical senses of what it is supposed to be. We must unlearn abuse and rekindle the form of respect for the body that was once cherished.

So rekindle that desire to see yourself and others in a positive light and begin exploring your own genitals and see they are not to be feared...likewise, neither are the opposites sex genitals to cause fear!

Here's to freedom from fear and acceptance of your sexual self...

Your Friend...The "Inner Healing" Lifestyle Coach
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD

MY WEBSITES
Dr. T
Strong Tower HATLG
Holy Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

MY SOCIAL NETWORKS
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 336.935.3148 or Ofc: 336.347.8557

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

The Death of Sex

Maybe it was just me, or maybe I'm just hearing things that other people don't want to hear!

UNMARRIED FOLK WHO ARE SAVED AND SANCTIFIED FILLED WITH THE HOLYGHOST WITH A MIGHTY BURNING FIRE, EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES...ARE HAVING SEX!

I just want people to understand that and to get passed it! As a conservative Hebrew Pentecostal Rabbi, it is best that we deal with the facts and STOP trying to live in this fictional world that the RELIGIOUS “WRONG” has made up in their minds because they are themselves like the Pharasaic sect who diveds, the “Christian Crusaders” who kills, and the religiously pious who keeps the doors of the Kingdom shut except for the few who will follow them as they follow in the footsteps of their father...ARROGANCE AND PRIDE!

Ok...now I've gotten that out the way (but I'm far from finished)...we go to the story about The Southland Christian School in St. Cloud, Florida! So they fired an elementary school teacher, Jarretta Hamilton, for having had sex before she was married. Under this schools strict morality rules, no person is allowed to engage in “fornication” which in today's minds eye means “sex before you're married,” although, if you will take a look at what fornication is, EVEN THE MARRIED CAN DO IT WITH THEIR OWN SPOUSE...that's neither here nor there at this point though (SEE FORNICATION WHAT IS IT FROM MY RELIGIOUS BLOG - HERE)

This is amazing to me that even at this time that someone who is a responsible adult who didn't lie but told the truth and got punished for having sexual intercourse before she was married to the man that she had planned to openly confess her love and devotion towards! Her mistake seemingly wasn't that she had sex outside of marriage, it was telling them that she conceived 3 weeks before she got married!

At this point, I question the “celibacy until marriage” policy that many churches, ministries, institutions, and ministerial leaders have established as the “line of Holiness.” In my own practice when I do marriage counseling, one of my first questions is have you had sex and was it fulfilling to the both of you? Why do I ask this, well I know that marriage is something that I want, desire, and hope that people will remain steadfast within its confines for years! The fire below is one of the ways to keep that yearning and want for your partner intact! Mind you...that is BEFORE they get married and make a PUBLIC AFFIRMATION OF THEIR PRIVATE DEVOTION!

More than 90% of couples in this day and time (and even years ago) have sex before they get married! Sex is not something that most people within the confines of the religious community like to discuss but abstinence is NOT the norm just so that you know and understand, especially amongst those about to wed! One of the reasons why the “honeymoon” is such a big issue is because most premarital counselors (religious or not) ask that they who are getting married abstain from sexual contact for one month before marriage! It has nothing to do with “we've been waiting for these last 5 years of being together,” it has to do with “whew, we went from almost everyday to not being able to do 'it' for an entire month, this is going to be a powerful release of emotion, frustration, and Love!”

So did Mrs. Hamilton act in an immoral or unethical way by having sex with her fiance? I personally must say...NO SHE DIDN'T! Why do I say this, I say this on the basis that marriage is NOT the beginning of a relationship, public affirmation is the ending of one's private relationship! The marriage relationship doesn't begin at the public confession, IT ENDS THERE! Why do I say that? I say that based on the fact that if one is publicly affirming their love and devotion to the other person, I would hope that they have already been married to one another as they have sought after the Most High with one another in their private time! Marriage to me by description is allowing others into your private lives and personal devotion to one another! If you haven't been privately devoting, what is the point of public affirmation?

Sexual compatibility IS one of the most important aspects of marriage and as such, I personally REFUSE to perform a ceremony for an extremely religious couple who refuses to engage in some form of sexual exploration of one another! Not because I want them to die and go to hell for pre-marital sex but because I want them to know that they are “for” one another! If a man marries a woman and he can't “rise to the occasion,” honestly the woman may feel in some type of way because she isn't “sexy” enough to her husband to even get him to get hard for her! Likewise, what if a woman doesn't climax for her husband, how is he supposed to feel that he can't please his wife? Once you have made a public confession of fidelity and been affirmed in your love...IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP THAT UP BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY because not only are you accountable to G-d but you are accountable to EVERY PERSON who WITNESSED your love and devotion to your spouse!

I also know it's not popular to “co-habitate” before marriage, however, if you don't live in the same household with someone before marriage how are you to know what it's like to live with that person? We have to come out of these puritanical standards of living if we are to really do what we need to do...OR we need to REALLY be puritanical! That means NO DIVORCE and we need to take care of our daughters AND SONS until they find (or are given) a mate!

Ethical sexuality is not defined on whether or not someone is having sex before a public affirmation, it is predicated by love, commitment, and pleasure which should always be placed in the confines of CONSENT!

If the only reason that Mrs. Hamilton was released because of her sexual choices, I believe that the MORAL response is to re-instate her to her rightful position! Now if she was a neglectful educator and did not do as she was instructed to teach children properly then I do stand by their decision for termination! A simple “failure to follow our moral ethics” is not reason enough to fire someone and no I do not think it should be within the confines of anyone's job description!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Can a Marriage be Saved by Sexual Aids?

For many the word “marriage” is a word that one dare not bring up to someone they are dating! Sure for most women, they get involved with a guy in a long term relationship with the ideal of one day they will be married! Yet for other women, they just want to get their rocks off! The idea that most men go into a relationship actually wanting to get married is at the least absurd (unless of course they've done all the craziness they are planning on doing)! Regardless to which category one finds themselves, for some reason some people seem to think that marriage equates the DEATH OF THE SEX LIFE! This doesn't have to be the case!

It's amazing to me of how many couples who have come into marriage counseling with me who have this one issue and it spins around the issue of sex and sexuality within their marriage relationship! One of the most prevailing questions that I have come across concerning this topic is “Can sex toys save a marriage?” The answer to that question is “NO” in most peoples minds, however, are most people really getting the right “medication” when it comes to marriage and the sexual covenant one makes with their spouse?

Marriage is a covenant that can be summed up in the union of love, friendship, and definitely intimacy with an emphasis on a healthy sex life, however, often times it is the lack of the healthy sex life that contributes to many marriages being broken and fragmented. So what is the issue?

The issue is that society has labeled things as taboo and that leads to an inability to communicate with one's spouse concerning sexual needs and desires, especially within the lives of those who are extremely religious and sees sex as a means to an end and not as a living entity that transcends beyond two people but instead enlivens and invigorates two persons into one being! It is this loss of communication skills and the silly notion that “things will get better” which you can honestly say is a marriage doomed for separation.

Adding to our inability to express ourselves, we often lead a lifestyle that equates busy-ness with success. In that sex gets put on a list to do instead of being on the list to become and everything else (longer working hours, shopping, house work, etc...) gets in the place and in the way of a healthy sex life. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS but honestly speaking from experience, being too tired or having a headache or being too busy is NO reason to replace the coming together of individuals to experience the greatness of their counterpart!

Sex should not be a chore, neither should sex be had only a few times a month, try a few times a week, if your life is really that busy, schedule a few quickies and some real intimate time with your significant other EVERY week! There is nothing greater than fantasizing about your partner and you should anticipate adventure and feel frisky and giddy when you get around your partner! If you aren't experiencing these things, you are SUFFERING!

THERE IS A SOLUTION...well a few!

1) OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND STAT CONVERSING! Understand that fundamentals are key and communication is a fundamental aspect of relationship and is paramount to keeping that relationship healthy and functional. If you think sex is boring and dull and a bore, how do you know that your partner isn't feeling the same way? How do you know if they aren't just settling yourself? How do you know if they are enjoying it or not! If only one half of the people in your relationship knows that there is an issue, guess how quickly your issue will be solved! It won't! It is a proven fact, couples who have open lines of communication and have team sharing activities will have a much more valuable and functional relationship both sexually and non-sexually!

2) MAKE TIME! If you have to plan for a trip away for a weekend every other month just to escape children, friends, family, life...DO IT! When you have this option and opportunity, you should have the same type of sex that you had on your honeymoon! Raw, passionate, deep, and intense! Making time to cultivate your relationship with your spouse is so important! It gives you time off work so you are stressed less and being away in a “strange” place many times helps people to drop their inhibition and rekindle the flickering flame of lust and passion!

3) TRY SOMETHING NEW! You're away from home, try something new that you've never done! Use some satin sheets, change the light bulb to a black light and rub edible neon paint all over one another! All these things can make an impact on how you and your partner views sex! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using candy or lingerie to both entice and please your significant other!

4) GET SOME TOYS AND MOVIES! My favorite! Most people (especially religious people) have a huge issue with sex toys because it's just “UNNATURAL.” Let's get real serious for a moment, I could care less how “unnatural” something is, if it gets my husbands mojo going, I'm all for it! Sex toys (and even purchasing sex toys) doesn't have to be a scary experience. There are so many places online that you can find these toys without ever having to leave your home or anyone seeing what you got and where and where you got it from! Also, let's not forget about movies! Your significant other may like to watch movies, watch them with them, as a matter of fact, try to make a game and experience the movie as it is happening and somewhere in the middle just get lost in one another!

Understand that sex toys are simply aids to add some spice to your sex life. These are chosen so that they will help to increase the intimacy level between you and your partner! This is really amplified in the foreplay, so focus on foreplay and get to know your partner all over again from head to toe! There is nothing wrong with a blindfold or a whip for the beginner! You'll know when it's right to go to something more extreme and daring if your relationship calls for something further!

Make sure you choose things that are comfortable for both partners and keeping in mind the desired effect is not to concentrate on the aids but to become more comfortable with your partner as well as to focus on the pleasure of your partner. The toy should not be the focal point...your partner should be!

So yes...you were right, sex toys won't save your marriage, however, they sure can add that spark needed in order for your marriage to rekindle that flame and that may just be what the doctor isn't telling you!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert
Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Hook-Ups: Where do you Lay?

I know this is probably going to sound crazy but since today is sexuality day, I figured, I speak about hooking up with someone you meet “out and about.” You know the old story, we meet at the party (or elsewhere), he’s physically and intellectually just what you need (you know this because you’ve conversed with him LOL), and he’s looking at you like you are the only person he wants to “screw” for the evening (wow the preacha said screw)!

Of course that’s not what happens…but wasn’t it a great thought until he asks you a few days later as to why you didn’t “hook up” and fornicate until you were both too tired to move! This is where it gets interesting to most…most people will say either “I don’t know” or that good old song…

“I DON’T HOOK UP!”

I honestly don’t think that people are attempting to be so holy but the question of “hooking up for a one-night stand” is just not appealing to many people anymore!

HAVE WE GONE…MILD - and deciding to give up our wild ways for a more stable “non-relationship” or maybe a MARRIAGE (oh heck no)?!?!?!?!

If we take an objective point, we can honestly say that much of our appetite for marriage and that “happily ever after” is simply a response to our dissatisfaction with our every weekend random hook up with somebody who we may or may not know! Adding to that, the shameful feeling involved with what happened last night. I honestly don’t believe that we feel ashamed of what we did but moreso the shame of how dissatisfied we feel in the morning when we have to go back to our “regular” lives!

There’s a song…
It's morning, And we slept the night away, It happened, Now we can't turn back the hands of time, Yes we've stolen this moment…A new day, Brings reality and we both go our separate ways

At one point, the hookup empowered people to examine desires and take action to fulfill those desires without the strings of attachments, no last names, and a “in the moment” sexual encounter that makes a powerful social statement about who we are and that we are free to do as we please!

I honestly feel that the purpose of the hook-up has been lost on us and we’re trying to turn what’s supposed to be a “quick screw and bounce” into the beginning of a relationship! These type of mechanics were never meant to infuse LIFE and a connection…that’s why it’s a HOOK UP!

It really doesn’t matter whether you believe in marriage or monogamy understand that CONNECTION is essential to humanity. We require the presence of other people just for our well being, and not just any individuals, we have to have some stable fixtures in our lives! Those bonds we have to people help to regulate us psychologically and emotionally!

So the problem is we are experiencing the crisis as a direct of using a SOULLESS and HEARTLESS hookup to satisfy a need that emanates from the soul: the need for connection. We try to escape our loneliness and replace it with sex and to build up into something that has NO foundation.

So what is the point…know that there is a reason for all things and on a spectrum between “hook-up” and “serious committed relationship” there are many phases that we can use to shape and satisfy our needs for love and connection.

(I AM IN NO WAY ENDORSING NEITHER TELLING ANYONE THAT HOOK-UPS ARE RIGHT OR WRONG, I AM SIMPLY MAKING A STATEMENT ABOUT HOOK-UPS AND DO NOT WISH TO BE INUNDATED WITH EMAILS SAYING THAT I’M NO TYPE OF PREACHER TELLING PEOPLE TO HOOK-UP, THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. THIS IS ABOUT STATING A TRUTH AND GIVING RISE TO WHAT SOCIETY IS DOING REGARDLESS TO HOW A PREACHER FEELS)!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Sexual Diversity and Biblical Marriage

In the religious community (in which I am involved intimately) there are so many thought concerning sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity - MOST NOT GOOD! Due to all of this talk about legalizing gay marriages, civil unions, and of course with President Obama officially recognizing June as the NATIONAL GLBT PRIDE MONTH: there is sure to be some uproar concerning all of this!

The religious right is in a state of shock, disarray, and grief because their feelings towards "those homosexuals who have turned over to a reprobate mind and are blatantly denying G-d" are going to send everyone to hell because of the "GAY AGENDA."

SIDENOTE: IF THERE IS A GAY AGENDA WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED WITH IT, AS YOU STATE THAT A GAY PERSON ONLY CHOOSES TO BE GAY AND AS SUCH ALL PEOPLE WHO ARE BORN ARE BORN STRAIGHT AND IF THAT IS THE CASE YOU CAN'T TURN SOMEONE GAY REGARDLESS, SO I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH THE TRUE AGENDA BEHIND THE INCESSANT CONCERN WITH SEXUALITY!

The truth of the matter is the word "SEXUALITY" is inclusive and NOT exclusive and it includes all shades of sexual expression making "sexual diversity" redundant on the same topic: SEXUALITY MEANS DIVERSITY!

At the most basic human levels there is nothing inherently WRONG about any form of sexuality and the reason for that is because "that's how we were made." We were made to explore sex and sexuality but not let it become a stumbling block or obsessive within our lives (which it has become whether we are doing "it" or abstaining).

There are so many more things we can be concerned with than WHO SOMEONE IS HAVING SEX WITH OR if they are having sex at all!

I would like to say that I agree with President Obama giving that month and with the agreement of civil unions, why you ask? As heterosexual people, we are not the only persons in this world and we need to get over ourselves...if two people want to go before a magistrate and marry the other and commit totally to one another, I don't see how that's a bad thing?!

Finally, we need to really get a good view on what a "BIBLICAL MARRIAGE" is to do that we have "Sister Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian" to let us know what marriage is that is acceptable unto G-d!



Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Tantra: The Art of Pure Sexual Expression

Tantric sexuality is truly the fundamental of learning how to do "energy work" or basically how one learns how to move/transform what is considered the "life force" energy so that one can become more clear in their spiritual walk and understanding of G-d and even their lives.

WHAT IS TANTRA
First and foremost, Tantra is not a "belief system" and therefore has no doctrine of appropriate order as with all other systems of beliefs. It is most concerned with method and technique and has very little to do with what we consider "guiding principles of life."

Tantra literally means the technique, the method, or the path which precludes it from being philosophical in any way! Tantra is not concerned with why things happen but moreso "how": in an essence it's not about what is true but with how the TRUTH can be attained.

Do to Tantra being a technique, it is therefore a specific science attached and therein lays the difference between a "belief system" and a "technique": Philosophy and Science. Philosophy wants to know why while tantra asks, how? At that moment that "how" is asked, theories become meaningless and experience becomes the center of understanding

Tantra is also a means of transformation in order to have the experience. Tantra is not based in intellect but instead it is an experience and unless you are receptive and vulnerable to the experience, you will not experience tantra.

Honestly speaking, tantra is NOT solely about sex (as many people do believe)! It is a series of techniques that seeks to alter the consciousness of the individual and only a few of these techniques relate directly to sex or sexuality. Most are non-sexual techniques which can be applied during the act!

Over the next few weeks, we will be discussing the teachings that can be used to build intimacy, expand the sexual pleasure, or possibly even transform the relationship that you are currently in.

Please come back for more teaching concerning tantric sexuality!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

What is Sexual Morality?

What is Sexual Morality?

It is important to make moral and ethical decisions about sex and sexuality. Let us not get these two terms confused in the meaning for which they are being used. For the purpose of this article, I am using sex as the actual act of intercourse where there is penetration or oral-to-genital contact. Sexuality is being used as the inherent association one has to the opposite-, the same sex, or both sexes.

Honestly speaking, moral sexuality is made up of components that make the act of sex honest, pleasurable for both parties, non-exploitive, and consensual to all the forms of expression that may transpire in sexual encounter. In addition, one needs to know that it takes communication and trust in order to have a positive experience.

In times past, the issue of morality was not a sexual issue, instead it was an issue based upon honesty and open communication from one person to another. In other words, those individuals who are governmental officials who are not truthful and dishonest about their insider trading are MORALLY CORRUPT, however, this does not stop them from being voted into office, nor does it have the “religious right” to attempt to enact laws that ban these people from privileges that should be afforded to all people!

This is not the place or the time to discuss the issue of morality, so I will digress and continue with the issue at hand: SEXUAL MORALITY!

As some would propose, sexual morality is totally based upon with whom one sleeps and gives no room for the sexual practices of any other sexuality than heterosexuality (some would even go on to say that some sexual practices are immoral). This is incorrect because sexuality is not based upon who one sleeps with, however, it is based upon the principles stated above.

A moral sexuality can be shared amongst any two people regardless to their sexual practices or whether there be two men or two women involved.

The issue in America (and now abroad because of the proliferation of European standards of morality based upon skewed and distorted views of the Bible) concerning morality is not based in ethics, instead, it is based upon a willful desire to control the actions and thoughts of individuals to match that of their own.

Ethically speaking, all sexuality based upon the principles stated above should be not only tolerated but accepted within overall society, why? President George W. Bush stated “In our free society, people have the right to choose how they live their lives,” it is truly shameful that along with that statement that people take the time to make sure that people who decide to live their lives according to their choosing end up having laws created against them. This is bad ethics and has absolutely no regard for ALL people.

Contrary to popular belief, the United States is not a Christian nation and was not founded upon Christian principles, as such; we have a right to accept and uphold all people based upon the content of their character and not based upon a warped view of morality presented by right wing religionists.

Sexuality is inherent in our nature, we are sexual creatures and when we learn how to properly explore our sexuality based upon the above principles, then our sexuality becomes MORAL: not because I’m a woman and I have sex with a man to whom I just so happen to be married!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Gay is Not the New Black

by Irene Monroe of the Huffington Post

If you are African American and gay, and fighting alongside your white brothers and sisters for queer civil rights, the notion that "Gay is the new black" is not only absurdly arrogant, it is also dangerously divisive.

In a presumably "post-racial" era with the country's first African American president-elect, it's easy for some to assume that race doesn't matter.

But when critiquing the dominant white gay community's ongoing efforts to gain marriage equality and its treatment of blacks as their second-class allies in the struggle a reality check happens -- both straight and queer African American communities bond together against their strategy for marriage equality.

Why?

Because race does matter!

Case in point: Proposition 8 and blaming the black community for its win at the ballot box.

The Proposition 8 debate has brought much consternation and polarization between white gay community and African Americans.

And with the expectation of a dominantly white Marriage Equality movement pushing forward a single -- issue agenda, the movement arrogantly ignores vital ways for coalition -- building within black communities, and honorable ways of connecting their struggle to those of African Americans.

But there's an example that defused the tension in much of the heterosexual African American community when it was publicly arguing that same-sex marriage is not a civil rights issue.

In commemorating the 40th Anniversary of Loving v. Virginia in the June 12, 1967 historic Supreme Court decision that advanced racial and marriage equality in this country, the NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc., marked the anniversary by stating the following: "It is undeniable that the experience of African Americans differs in many important ways from that of gay men and lesbians; among other things, the legacy of slavery and segregation is profound. But differences in historical experiences should not preclude the application of constitutional provisions to gay men and lesbians who are denied the fight to marry the person of their choice." And in April of 2006, NAACP LDF filed a friend-of-the-court brief in the case brought by New York same-sex couples challenging their exclusion from marriage.

But the Marriage Equality movement neither extends its reach beyond its concerns within its community nor outside of it.

How the marriage debate should have been framed -- in a way that speaks truth to various queer communities of color and classes -- has not been given considerable concern.

And with no public language to adequately articulate the unique embodiment of queer communities of color and classes within the same-sex marriage debate, this has become contentious. The dominant white queer languaging of this debate, at best, muffles the voices of these communities, and, at worst, mutes them. In other words, in leaving out the voices of queer communities of color and classes, the same-sex marriage debate is hijacked by a white upper class queer universality that not only renders these marginalized queer communities invisible, but -- as it is presently framed -- also renders them speechless.

Within and across states the Marriage Equality movement persistently dons white leadership. Faces of color become important, visible and needed to the Marriage Equality movement only when the movement is actually pimping a black page from the civil rights movement for a photo-op moment to push their agenda.

Saying "Gay is the new black" poses the following problems for many African Americans:

* The Marriage Equality movement exploits black suffering and experiences to legitimate its own;

* The Marriage Equality movement's rallying cry against heterosexist oppression dismisses its own responsibility when it comes to white skin privilege.

* The Marriage Equality movement appropriates the content of the black civil rights movement, but discards the context and history that brought about it.

But this is not surprising because the larger queer movement has distorted, if not erased, its own history when it come to the Stonewall Riot of June 27-29, 1969 in Greenwich Village, New York City, which started on the backs of working-class African-American and Latino transgender patrons of the bar. Those brown and black queer people are not only absent from the photos of that historic night, but they are also bleached from the annals of queer history and gay pride events.

Because of the bleaching of the Stonewall Riots, the beginnings of queer movement post-Stonewall is an appropriation of black and brown transgender liberation narratives absent of black and brown people. And it is the visible absence of these black, brown and yellow queer people that makes it harder for white queer elites in our movement to confront their racism and trans-phobia.

If African American queerpeople are not included in the history and in the decision -making issues involving queer life, how then can the movement expect our participation, let alone the rest of the African American community?

Sadly, if racism continues to go unchecked in the Marriage Equality movement it won't only cost California's queer community the right to marry, it will cost us all.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog