Hook-Ups: Where do you Lay?

I know this is probably going to sound crazy but since today is sexuality day, I figured, I speak about hooking up with someone you meet “out and about.” You know the old story, we meet at the party (or elsewhere), he’s physically and intellectually just what you need (you know this because you’ve conversed with him LOL), and he’s looking at you like you are the only person he wants to “screw” for the evening (wow the preacha said screw)!

Of course that’s not what happens…but wasn’t it a great thought until he asks you a few days later as to why you didn’t “hook up” and fornicate until you were both too tired to move! This is where it gets interesting to most…most people will say either “I don’t know” or that good old song…

“I DON’T HOOK UP!”

I honestly don’t think that people are attempting to be so holy but the question of “hooking up for a one-night stand” is just not appealing to many people anymore!

HAVE WE GONE…MILD - and deciding to give up our wild ways for a more stable “non-relationship” or maybe a MARRIAGE (oh heck no)?!?!?!?!

If we take an objective point, we can honestly say that much of our appetite for marriage and that “happily ever after” is simply a response to our dissatisfaction with our every weekend random hook up with somebody who we may or may not know! Adding to that, the shameful feeling involved with what happened last night. I honestly don’t believe that we feel ashamed of what we did but moreso the shame of how dissatisfied we feel in the morning when we have to go back to our “regular” lives!

There’s a song…
It's morning, And we slept the night away, It happened, Now we can't turn back the hands of time, Yes we've stolen this moment…A new day, Brings reality and we both go our separate ways

At one point, the hookup empowered people to examine desires and take action to fulfill those desires without the strings of attachments, no last names, and a “in the moment” sexual encounter that makes a powerful social statement about who we are and that we are free to do as we please!

I honestly feel that the purpose of the hook-up has been lost on us and we’re trying to turn what’s supposed to be a “quick screw and bounce” into the beginning of a relationship! These type of mechanics were never meant to infuse LIFE and a connection…that’s why it’s a HOOK UP!

It really doesn’t matter whether you believe in marriage or monogamy understand that CONNECTION is essential to humanity. We require the presence of other people just for our well being, and not just any individuals, we have to have some stable fixtures in our lives! Those bonds we have to people help to regulate us psychologically and emotionally!

So the problem is we are experiencing the crisis as a direct of using a SOULLESS and HEARTLESS hookup to satisfy a need that emanates from the soul: the need for connection. We try to escape our loneliness and replace it with sex and to build up into something that has NO foundation.

So what is the point…know that there is a reason for all things and on a spectrum between “hook-up” and “serious committed relationship” there are many phases that we can use to shape and satisfy our needs for love and connection.

(I AM IN NO WAY ENDORSING NEITHER TELLING ANYONE THAT HOOK-UPS ARE RIGHT OR WRONG, I AM SIMPLY MAKING A STATEMENT ABOUT HOOK-UPS AND DO NOT WISH TO BE INUNDATED WITH EMAILS SAYING THAT I’M NO TYPE OF PREACHER TELLING PEOPLE TO HOOK-UP, THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. THIS IS ABOUT STATING A TRUTH AND GIVING RISE TO WHAT SOCIETY IS DOING REGARDLESS TO HOW A PREACHER FEELS)!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Be Still and Know - Silence the Mind

FOCUS FOR TODAY
Be Still and Know - Your mind keeps disrupting with its mental noise and quenches the Spirit and what G-d is doing in you because you keep listening to its negative hurdle filled analysis of what is going on around you! It's not about the circumstance but the one who controls them!

LEARN TO SILENCE YOUR MIND – We all go through life trying to find our way and we often say there is too much “noise” but that noise emanates from your own mind! This is further established when you decide to “talk it out” for the purpose of comfort and to talk yourself through the issue, the problem with that is that we are talking to and comforting our troubles making it easier for our troubles but causing more stress to assert itself into our life!

Understand that the FOCUS FOR TODAY is “Be Still and Know” and as a part of being still we me learn to be quiet while curling up in the stillness of life! Silencing the mind is best achieved by being in a place that is naturally in a state of silence. Usually the best time is early in the morning or just before going to bed, however, if you begin to practice the artform of silence, you'll come into the reality that ALL times and ALL places are suitable for silence!

Find a place where you can sit straight up and have back support while your hands are resting on the top of your thigh or any other position that there will be no tension for the duration of your “silence” time. In addition, you should not cross your legs but to be in a relaxed state as well as this disrupts circulation and the discomfort will be a distraction to your purpose.This is the time that you shouldn't be looking to figure out things but instead it should be a time of quiet silent NON-REFLECTION and total surrender to the divine in you! This should be done 15 to 30 minutes everyday (at minimum) just to sit quiet! In this, you do the very best you can and when the mind creates opportunities for “REFLECTION” see that it is trying to disrupt your quiet time and notice the building blocks of this mental noise, then disassemble this noise by the same blocks in which they are built to settle within a level of quiet surrender!

REMEMBER: There are no laws that govern inner silence so it's not something that is taught, it's just something that you do and it becomes a part of who you are as you experience it's presence.

Once you are situated, close your eyes and let the awareness of life fill your entire being! At this point you want to re-adjust yourself so that no part of your body is seeking after attention!

Now, as your eyes are closed and your body is at complete ease, allow your shoulders to take on the full weight of your head (in other words take all the pressure off your neck muscles and allow your shoulders to simply be relaxed while supporting your head). This is something that you can actually feel happen!

Next, the weight of your shoulders should be transferred to the lower parts of your body. If you are doing this properly you will be very surprised about how much extra bodily weight you unnecessarily support without even knowing that you are doing so! As you continue this process, all of your collective weight should be transferred to the chair you're sitting on!

CONSCIOUSLY TRANSFER THIS WEIGHT – LET IT GO!

Now you can release yourself from all of the unconscious physical stress and tension that you have been carrying around in your life! You should feel a sense of “floating” or “airiness” about your body at this point!

To continue, you must expand this relaxed stated state and increased bodily awareness of the “self” to include your thoughts and emotions! You must induct your mind and emotions into this self-obsorbed state of being and begin to “watch yourself from within.” It is you who must now become objective and impartial to your own thoughts and feelings. Let them do what they do without the slightest concern of their influences. Don't resist their pull, however, do not be drawn into them.

NOTE: If you are just beginning, you may undergo an “emotional breakdown” the first few times as you are not used to really seeing and feeling your emotions without having to interpret. The purpose of this is to get you to the point of non-interpretation and quiet beingness! This could be a very traumatic experience as they really begin to see how they see themselves.

Your goal is detached self-observation and remember that each time a feeling or emotion comes to you, you must realize that you're no longer watching but rather you have become captivated by that feeling or thought and you are allowing yourself to be carried along with it. You must withdraw from it and return to the PRESENT MOMENT of quiet solitude.

In this practice you begin to KNOW what it means to BE STILL! You must experience it for yourself over and over again let go, give up distractions, go deeper within you, watch, bring the awareness of yourself back to the present moment paying no attention to your thoughts and feelings are trying to tell you while you are BEING STILL AND KNOWING!

As you persist and prevail, the struggle to stay aware of yourself in the present moment will make the moment itself change but remember as that moment changes....SO DO YOU!

Should you continue to practice, eventually you will be able to go beyond those prostestations of the mind and your sense of self and your awareness of the present moment will melt away and with the melting away a new deeper sense of silence floods your soul and fills your awareness with itself and then the awareness that the source of this supreme stillness is arising out of your own BEINGNESS.

All things are now washed away and you have arrived at a quiet mind! It is now you can “MEDITATE” on those words both day and night and they will NOT depart but will become an everlasting stream of life flowing from you to empower everyone at all times!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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I Need a Change with Akilah Michaels - Barter Basics & Book Review

I Need a Change with Akilah Michaels - Barter Basics & Book Review

Daily Encouragement: Hope doesn't require a massive chain where heavy links of logic hold it together. A thin wire will do, just strong enough to get us through the night until the winds die down!

Sexual Diversity and Biblical Marriage

In the religious community (in which I am involved intimately) there are so many thought concerning sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity - MOST NOT GOOD! Due to all of this talk about legalizing gay marriages, civil unions, and of course with President Obama officially recognizing June as the NATIONAL GLBT PRIDE MONTH: there is sure to be some uproar concerning all of this!

The religious right is in a state of shock, disarray, and grief because their feelings towards "those homosexuals who have turned over to a reprobate mind and are blatantly denying G-d" are going to send everyone to hell because of the "GAY AGENDA."

SIDENOTE: IF THERE IS A GAY AGENDA WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED WITH IT, AS YOU STATE THAT A GAY PERSON ONLY CHOOSES TO BE GAY AND AS SUCH ALL PEOPLE WHO ARE BORN ARE BORN STRAIGHT AND IF THAT IS THE CASE YOU CAN'T TURN SOMEONE GAY REGARDLESS, SO I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH THE TRUE AGENDA BEHIND THE INCESSANT CONCERN WITH SEXUALITY!

The truth of the matter is the word "SEXUALITY" is inclusive and NOT exclusive and it includes all shades of sexual expression making "sexual diversity" redundant on the same topic: SEXUALITY MEANS DIVERSITY!

At the most basic human levels there is nothing inherently WRONG about any form of sexuality and the reason for that is because "that's how we were made." We were made to explore sex and sexuality but not let it become a stumbling block or obsessive within our lives (which it has become whether we are doing "it" or abstaining).

There are so many more things we can be concerned with than WHO SOMEONE IS HAVING SEX WITH OR if they are having sex at all!

I would like to say that I agree with President Obama giving that month and with the agreement of civil unions, why you ask? As heterosexual people, we are not the only persons in this world and we need to get over ourselves...if two people want to go before a magistrate and marry the other and commit totally to one another, I don't see how that's a bad thing?!

Finally, we need to really get a good view on what a "BIBLICAL MARRIAGE" is to do that we have "Sister Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian" to let us know what marriage is that is acceptable unto G-d!



Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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You are the Only One...

I'm sitting here considering the movie "The One" with Jackie Chan and it was about a rogue individual hopping from universe-to-universe (the whole of the multiverse) killing off himself (in those other realities) so that he could become the ONLY ONE person within any universe! As he killed himself off, he became stronger and more agile in everything that he already knew!

He thereby became "THE ONE" for he was the ONLY one within the multiverse by killing himself in all other places except for his current manifestation!

I can liken this to our own lives, however, instead of killing off our bad habits and those negative traits about us, we instead kill our best traits and allow our most negative traits to live on reaping havoc in our lives and in the lives of those surrounding us!

Today, think about how YOU are the ONLY ONE who can get rid of your negativity so that you will be able to live a more prosperous, total, and fulfilled life!

REMEMBER: You ARE the only one!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

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The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

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My Religious Blog