WHO ARE YOU WITH?
In the world of business and relationships, this is one of the most questioned questions that people seem to like to conjure up to find leewsay into your personal life and matters. In ministry when you introduce yourself as someone with a title, the next question asked is "so who are you with?" When you meet a new man/woman who may be interested in you, the first question that they ask is, "so who are you with?" When you go to a job interview, they question "who are you with?"
Well let me respond to all of these questions! Does it matter who I'm with if I'm not together? Does it matter who I'm with if everything about me screams I'm not with anyone? It is so amazing to see people who are with someone make themselves seem as if they are with no one and those who are with no one do their very best to seem as if they are with someone!
It is both amazing and frustrating (to both see and experience) the "yin/yang" factor of life in order to belong to something or someone. We pretend like we are "with" someone to not be asked "the question" and we pretend like we are not with someone in order to be asked "the question."
Our understanding of "the question" comes from a principle of completion! We constantly look out around us because we see that every thing is around us and so by seeking out the things surrounding us, we hope that one day we will find something from without that will compliment and complete us.
What we refuse to see is that while we are searching for things, people, and places that make us feel like we are complete and whole we are actually separating ourselves from the actual thing that will heal us and manifest wholeness. We fight against our "self" in order to find ourselves in order to become whole with our "self." We by nature have become divisive and will never be able to overcome the joylessness of life that is borne of a divisive dual nature that totally contradicts itself in all forms, doings, and thought processes.
When did we develop the need for things, people, and places in order to become whole? When did our "healing" become contingent with manifested matter? We must gain understanding that the pain in which we experience and all the suffering due to negativity towards our pain manifests itself as such due to our willful participation in illusions that has been carried and handed down to us from our parents and all of our forefathers who didn't understand that concentrating on these negative experiences would lend a hand of pain down to the 20th and 30th generation.
Please look at the verse that helps to perpetuate this thought process in the song:
By & By
We are tossed and driven on the restless sea of time;somber skies and howling tempests oft succeed a bright sunshine; in that land of perfect day, when the mists are rolled away,we will understand it better by and by.
We are often destitute of the things that life demands, want of food and want of shelter, thirsty hills and barren lands; we are trusting in the Lord, and according to God's word, we will understand it better by and by.
Far be it for me to say that this doesn't lend hope to our forefathers and as I just read the words, it brings hope to me as well, however, what are we really doing in this song? This song is recalling and reiterating our negative experiences as if they will persist forever. There is no hope for ridding our lives of the experiences, there is only hope of understanding why we have the experiences after a season and a time of consistent "negative" experience.
Why do we have to live like that? Who says that we have to reiterate the negative in order to understand the why? The truth is WE DO NOT! Over and over again, we do go through this same process searching for EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE but the right place and hope we understand it better by and by!
Why is it that we feel it is fine to educate our children (hence their children and their children and their children) by saying the way to healing is through hurt. The way to ease the unhappiness is to accept stress as a way of life and to struggle to control conditions that surround you that are uncontrollable while becoming the slave to that which you are hoping to control in order to be free! Running towards freedom will never change the fact that you are running from unhappiness and discomfort!
We run toward the freedom thereby forgetting the distraction and suffer the consequence of inward division. We end up serving two masters...
1) That which we do not desire
2) That which is a moments desire due to resisting that which we do not
Becoming inwardly divisive we keep ourselves from knowing the fullness that we have within ourselves. The experience of being whole and complete RIGHT NOW. The illusion that the world is what our thoughts and feelings would have us believe that it is, is just that: an illusion! Seeking out things, people, and places because our thoughts and feelings have aligned with what people have said is the illusion of happiness and success.
In order to free oneself from this generation-based self-imposed illusion we have to learn to face our issues and problems head on and release our "self" from "ourselves" and all its imaginary conclusions concerning our lives. "Ourselves" is the unseen source of conflict, disillusionment, and negativity in our life due to its "plan" for finding lasting complete peace and wholeness from those things we can see and touch.
The path to self-liberation and wholeness is to allow the "self" opportunity for enlightenment and search within for the ever-present contentment and wholeness! YOU ARE COMPLETE, you just have to look within yourself to see it! When we search within we will find a world that is brand new where wholeness and happiness are the exact same thing and that world is within...NOT WITHOUT!
So the next time that someone asks "the question," you can proudly say...MY "SELF"!
Your Friend...
Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
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Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert
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