I NEED A CHANGE 24 - GET RID OF DEAD WEIGHT

Are you carrying around dead weight? No I'm not talking about the spare tire around your mid-section (although we need to deal with changing our habits in order to be proactive concerning our health), I'm talking about past relationships, resentments, hurts, anger, and the list goes on and on!

You know the signs of dead weight, everyone does but we all try to live in some fanciful world to make it seem as if we aren't carrying it around and so we do our best to simply not pay attention to it in hopes that it will just "GO AWAY!"

Well, I have some great news...YOUR DEAD WEIGHT CAN BE GONE! If you buy my patented "DEAD WEIGHT BE GONE" spray! All you have to do is spray it in your house three (3) times a day and after one week, all of that DEAD WEIGHT will dissipate and will never come back to haunt you again!

WHAT IN THE WORLD? I know, that was just not right was it, however, this is what we do in order get rid of everything else!

Allopathic medicine gets rid of the symptoms, at the expense of creating other symptoms which may be worse than the original symptoms! Lawyers don't usually get down to the problem at hand, they usually deal with the symptoms and that's the reason they are in courts. It's the exact same with us! Our models have been to TREAT THE SYMPTOMS BUT NEVER GET TO THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE ISSUE!

FIRST, THE SYMPTOMS...
1) Are you in the same place you were in a year or two or even five? Let's be honest now! Let's not force ourselves into lies! Ok, so we have to go there! Just because you're no longer homeless doesn't mean you have come out of the situation that you were in a year ago!

Ok so you're no longer in the shelter, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm proud of you, keep up the good work but it's not time to stop! Why? Well the fact that you can't afford to buy a decent meal or go to the store and get food to make a decent meal and being forced to live off of $.99 McDoubles from McDonald's and $.99 Spicy Chicken Nuggets from Wendy's tells me that you are still in the same situation.

Having to worry about whether or not your bills are going to get paid this month and not having enough money to cover ALL of your bills which means you could possibly become a person who recurs homelessness...YOU ARE IN THE SAME POSITION AS THE HOMELESS MAN/WOMAN WITH NO FOOD TO EAT OR ANYWHERE TO LIVE! IT'S NOT YOUR SITUATION THAT HAS CHANGED, IT IS YOUR ENVIRONMENT!

Let's not confuse environments with situations! Environments can change but if the situation (your mindset) is still poverty driven and unfocused, any environment can quickly become the prison from which you thought you escaped!

2) Displeasure and Stagnation, are they reigning supreme in your life? Do you sometimes feel like you just can't make it out of whatever you are in?

Let me ask you this, WHAT ARE YOU IN? WHEN DID YOU GET THERE? HOW DID YOU GET THERE? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT?

A friend of mine asked me a VERY important question the other day...he said "What does KFC sale?" Of course I said "chicken." He asked me that same question over and over again with emphasis on different words and of course I responded but by the last time my answer wan't "chicken" it was "CHICKEN!!!!!" Now of course I see myself as a pretty smart person, however, stupidity had taken over right at that moment! He asked me...WHAT DO YOU SALE? I was STUMPED! I was like WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SALE! What is the point? I'm glad you asked!

The point that he was trying to make is that you may serve some things on the side due to all the talents and gifts with which you've been endowed, however, YOU SALE "CHICKEN!" I've come to the reality that I have the "CHICKEN," I just have to work on my spices in order to get the "CHICKEN" just right! What does that mean? THE BRAND OF ME HAS TO COMPLEMENT WHAT I'M SELLING! If you don't complement what you're trying to sale, YOU AREN'T GOING TO MAKE ANY SALES!

Our lack of mobility and enthusiasm is NOT the cause, that is a symptom of a deeper underlying issue! It is the issue of dead weight! Think about all the dead weight that you carry around with you and that you actually pick up along the way!

Family, friends, thoughts, relationships, debt are ALL DEAD WEIGHT! Don't get me wrong there are those who we cherish who add to the greatness of who we are and the pursuit of who we can be and push us as we push them, that's not dead weight! However, the family and friends that constantly upset us and tell us that we won't ever amount to anything, those thoughts of inferiority because of your environment, or even the blatant disrespect that you have developed for yourself over years of failure...ALL DEAD WEIGHT! What is in your life that is constantly holding you down and holding you back? What and who is attached to you who won't value your time, skills, expertise, friendship and are unappreciative in other areas of your life trying to rush you when you need to take your time while at the same time not even attempting to make an effort to help you be a successful...WHAT DO YOU SALE AGAIN?

It's time...RIGHT NOW! YES NOW! It's time, CUT THE DEAD WEIGHT! No reason to keep it, YOU CAN LIVE AND SURVIVE WITHOUT THEM! Yes some situations in your life may need to change, yes you may have to get up a little early in the morning to catch the bus but hey, you'll have achieved a new level of independence and social responsibility to UPLIFT YOURSELF!

Make a fresh start TODAY! Don't wait until tomorrow, tomorrow is a figment of your imagination and yesterday was a spring for today and no longer exists! When you realize that all you have is this very moment of existence, live in that moment as if it is the last moment of your life! LIVE THAT MOMENT TO THE HIGHEST! You may want to be a help but how can you help someone if you don't have anything to help them with? You don't even have yourself, someone else has you and you're playing the puppet!

The truth is...YOU ARE HOLDING YOURSELF BACK! People can only do that which you allow them to do, you have control over the decisions you make and you decide what/who impacts you and what/who doesn't!

You have to make a choice and the as far as the dead weight...CUT THE ROPE! The message is you're either going to begin climbing or you're going to fall! If you find someone else to become dead weight, that's fine but no longer will I be your target market!

We have to learn to walk and when we walk, we must only allow others around us who are WALKING! You have to pay close attention though! Some people are walking but they are walking backwards, there are those on the side of the road trying to get up to walk. Encourage them but don't help them up, tell them to come on and follow in your footsteps but THEY MUST GET UP AND BEGIN THE WALK WITHOUT ASSISTANCE! Be careful of who you allow to walk with you and who is walking around you! Make sure that you are both walking into SUCCESS!!!

When it's all said and done, GET UP AND GO FOR A WALK! Clear your mind, be at peace with nature, and say to yourself, "I NEED A CHANGE FROM DEAD WEIGHT!" It's not about your environment, it is about your situation (mindset)! You can put a person with the situation (mindset) of a billionaire into the environment of a homeless shelter and within a year, he'll own his own shelter! You can put a person with a situation (mindset) of a poverty pimp into the environment of a fortune 500 company and within 6 months, the company will be bankrupt!

WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - CHANGE YOUR ENERGY FLOW, CHANGE YOUR LIFE

This life that we currently live in doesn't make it easy to have a positive flow of energy, neither does it stimulate us to move to change our energy flow for the benefit of changing our lives! So, today's I NEED A CHANGE is concerning energy levels, the flow of energy in our bodies and how we can work with our bodies to rid our bodies of toxicity and negative energy that continuously kills us day by day.

The purpose of stimulating the energy in our bodies by breathing PROPERLY is beneficial for circulating blood and fluid through our system which in turn cleans out and purifies our blood, removes toxins from our system, and affords us a connection with the divine.

We must also understand that it's not only about breathing properly but it has to do with how and when and where we move as well! Leading a sedentary life - as the United States has proven that this is the type of life that is espoused through all the sedentary "in home" games that are manufactured and thrown in our faces daily - is our most disturbing factor of changing our lives and creating an optimal healthy life system within our bodies!

When we say, I NEED A CHANGE IN MY BODY, what are we saying? We are saying that we will do what we need to do in order to turn our disease ridden, unhealthy, non-productive, sick bodies into whole well bodies that are able to fight off any disease known or unknown because our bodies are so equipped to handle all of it! It is thus equipped because the energy flow through our bodies have been enhanced and developed to handle the negative energy that would seek to "destroy" us.

So first and foremost, MAKE A DECISION that you want a healthy body! Get up and move, go for a walk, do something, get up and move, clean the house, mow the yard! Whatever you do JUST MOVE! Stop being SEDENTARY in your life and get your heart pumping, your blood flowing, your lymph glands to action and watch your energy level sky rocket!

Add breathing properly and see where life takes you! Stimulating your flow of inner energy will boost your own inner feelings of well-being.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS OF THE BREATH:

1. Find a comfortable seated position, feet placed firmly into the ground, spine straight, hands clasped and relaxed in your lap, eyes closed.

2. Begin with slow rhythmic breathing inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the nose. Your goal is to make the exhale breath twice as long as the inhaling breath. As you concentrate on this breathing, feel your hands and feet start to warm up and your fingers tingle as your energy flow is stimulated.

3. To strengthen this exercise, visualize this energy flow as a red glow passing down your arms and legs with each exhale. As the red energy glow passes through your hands, allow it to radiate up through the center of your body. Red is a warm, generating color. Always follow the breath through your body, visualize it's path. Lead it to where you want it to go. 5 -10 minutes of this will allow
your body to be adequately energized!

Mountain Pose (Tadasana) and Variation

1. Stand erect, feet together, eyes closed. Listen to your body as it breathes. Allow all the tension to relax in the muscles. Let go.

2. Step feet apart, shoulder width. Slowly raise the arms up on both sides with an inhale to shoulder level. Exhale as you feel the blood rush through the arms, palms up.

3. Inhale and raise arms up all the way to the top, bring palms together, as you exhale. Hold this posture for 5 to 10 seconds Breathing through the posture.

4. On your next exhale, lower your arms to a folded position over your head, grasping your elbows with opposite hands. Relax and breath in this posture, holding for 5-10 seconds.

5. Slowly inhale, open up and slowly lower the arms back to your sides.

6. Repeat this exercise four more times. You will create a powerful healing inner energy supply and balanced physical tone.

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

I NEED A CHANGE - What You Manifest Matters!

As our goal is and always will be change we must deal with what precisely change is and what causes change to manifest in our lives. Change manifests itself in our lives because we have gotten to a point of no return!

Are you like the millions of people in the world who are feeling like FEAR is stalking you! Every way you turn and everything you do fails and now we’re stuck with the evidence of our failure: FEAR!

Maybe you’re confident in your abilities and you know that whatever you put your hand to do will work out, however, when you count up the cost you realize that by being successful you have to deal with the consequences of success which usually come in the form of responsibility! Your FEAR manifests in this fact: you don’t feel as if you can uphold the responsibilities of your success.

So what is the antithetical process of manifesting fear? MANIFEST PEACE!

Anything and everything that we go through and that we can possibly think of as being negative is actually an opportunity to experience the peace that should surpass all understanding! Instead of accepting this as a truth, we allow all of these “things” that help us to manifest FEAR to run its course in our lives and have its way with our emotions and the spiritual climate of who we are (or who we are attempting to become). It is amazing that each one of these things would show us an individual lesson in life and we choose to ignore the message due to our own noise filled voice shouting and echoing its sentiments.

Have you ever said something to the effect…“I remember when I thought about that, I should’ve listened…”

Do you see how that works! YOU SHOULD’VE LISTENED (instead of yelling)! You should’ve stopped and allowed PEACE to reign, instead, you allowed FEAR to manifest! As we constantly and consistently do this, we must ask the question…HOW IS IT WORKING OUT FOR OUR LIVES AND DOES IT FOSTER AND ENCOURAGE POSITIVE CHANGE?

Do you not understand that peace is not a given, peace is a gift! It is a gift of proper position! When we position ourselves properly we harness and possess to the power of peace which forfeits pressure and enables prosperity. We must become quiet enough in order to listen so that the gift can lend itself to our life.

Due to the boundless nature of peace (much like love) we must learn and be willing to lose ourselves completely in its all consuming presence so that we can realize and actualize its existence! Conversely, peace is not lost but is given away freely! If you do not feel peace it is because you have in error gave it away by once again growing back into a cyclical pattern of negativity and conflicted emotions.

WHAT YOU MANIFEST MATTERS!

If you want peace, you must manifest peace and you must forego all the disturbing experiences of life and draw the importance of the experience from it and gain the peace filled recognition of its purpose! Don’t dive headfirst into the abyss of doubt and fear, instead, resolve the conflict by seeing the learning experience of it and manifest what matters by finding your way to the place of serenity!

Watch your thoughts, forgive your thoughts, relinquish the anxiety, be aware of your surroundings (metaphysically), and stop dragging yourself into the clutter of your noisy mind! Silence is golden and as you be silent before your thoughts, your thoughts will have to conform to your silence because your silence is your place of manifestation of peace! When you manifest peace inwardly…the outward expression of the inward manifestation MUST conform!

Your Friend...
Rabbinit Tanya A. Alkhaliq - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Preparing for Success in 2011 (Part 1)

First and foremost, I would like to say "HAPPY NEW YEAR" to anyone and everyone! I pray that you are all ready to begin this year with a bang! I know for me, this time of year offers so many renewed and new opportunities in life and within business!

WHAT DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS TIME OF YEAR?

Are you ready and prepared to kick off the year and to become successful in business, finances, spirituality, friendships, relationships, emotional stability...YOU ADD WHAT YOU'RE READY TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN!

If you are ready...I want to help you! If you are not...I REALLY WANT TO ASSIST YOU in fulfilling your dreams and visions for this year!

Over the next couple of days I will be releasing a series of questions and clarifying the potential of each question so that you will have a renewed outlook! At the end of the 7 days of questioning, if you would like to receive custom recommendations based upon your answers, you can send them to me up to January 31, 2011 at 11:59pm and I'll personally reply with custom recommendations in order to help you grow in this coming year!

QUESTION 1:
What are your top 3 business goals for 2011?

It is important to have goals but I would like for you to come to the goals of what you would like to see in a different manner! I would like for you to begin to invite yourself to the outcome and not focus on what the overall goal is! Instead, concentrate on what you want to see and within that invite yourself to participate in the activities to bring those things into manifestation!

I will reply to everyone's email at the culmination of the seven questions and of course I cannot guarantee that you will receive a response the same day, HOWEVER, as long as you have sent the seven questions to me by January 31, I will respond to the questions!

For those of you who are looking to work hard for your goals and make your dreams come to pass, I am looking forward to working with you as we develop your life and business leadership models. I do hope we get a chance to work together very closely!

Your Friend...
Tanya - "Dr. T"
CEO - Tanya Alkhaliq Enterprises & The Harvest Group
The Harvest Group
Phoenix Outreach Services
Temple El Shammah
Assemblies of the True and Living G-d
Twitter
Facebook

Contact Dr. T  for Coaching or Counseling - 443.529.3969

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Redesign Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq, ThD
Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Simple Steps to Increase Social Media Visibility

The truth is that being visible increases your opportunity for create business, networking, and opportunities for oneself! Conversely, if you are not visible, you may as well not exist! Your product may be great, your service impeccable, and your business acumen on point but if your prospective customer and the consumers can't find you online...YOUR GOING TO FAIL!

You must have an online presence and it is just as equally important to not only develop that online presence but it is equally important to do so regularly scheduled! Yes I know that youa re busy and don't have time for regular updates and writing blogs everyday but truth be told, you need to put yourself on SOME TYPE OF SCHEDULE so that the people will KNOW YOUR NAME!

There are over 1.5 BILLION people who use the internet on a REGULAR and DAILY basis to find solutions to ALL of their BILLIONS of problems and issues! There is no reason that you can't be a willing recipient from helping them to solve their problems within the field of your expertise!

This is what must be done, you have to begin by creating a visible presence online which will result in more opportunities which yields more leads, prospects, sales, speaking endeavors, and maybe some media inquiries about your service, product, or service solution!

First and foremost...BLOG LIKE YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND!
This is strategic manipulation at it's best! You have to start at the starting point to strategically get your message to the world! If you don't have a blog...GET ONE set up TODAY! They are a free resource on almost ANY and ALL websites and social media sites to which you already belong!

You want to use your blog as a “home base” so to speak! It establishes your presence and credibility online because people get to act with you and become intimate and deep with your personality and you with your prospects and customers! It saves money AND it allows people access to your products directly! FREE ADVERTISEMENT!

If you have never had the opportunity to express who you are and your expertise, a blog helps you to demonstrate that expertise, expose your personality so that those who want to work with you and buy from you and collaborate with you the chance to get to know you, and this establishes trust because you are sharing for free VALUABLE USEFUL CONTENT that gives more meaning and success within their business, professional, and private lives!

A blog is honestly like crack for search engines! Yea bad analogy but understand what I'm saying! When you post frequently, consistently, and constantly, the search engines index your page and your content is thus available in searches quicker! Search engines crave new and fresh information, the more you post the more information it can get from you! Your blog becomes its source of “highness” and it continues to feed and frenzy off of your fresh insights! YOU BECOME VISIBLE!

Target your message in your blog! Publish something directly about whatever topic you are promoting! Your book, your services, your products, whatever! Create an editorial calendar and post about that topic using your keywords for which you want to be found!

SECONDLY...USE FACEBOOK FOR WHAT IT'S REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR!
Ok...seriously! Facebook is not about finding all your friends and chatting about highschool and college days! Ok...maybe so, but that is secondary to it's really purpose! With all the people on facebook, you should have a presence of yourself and what you're doing ON FACEBOOK! Create a facebook page for your business, service, product!

Looking at visibility, this is an essential and necessary step because your content that is posted on facebook is AUTOMATICALLY indexed by search engines! At the very least you need to put your blog on facebook using the “notes” application as this will pull your blog content to your page wall whenever you post and because it only gives a short snippet, it forces those who would like to read back to your blog! As a matter of fact, most of you reading this blog right now are here because saw it on facebook or it was indexed from facebook into a search engine!

To even boost this...create a fan page! This further helps you build relationship and build desire from your fans to click through to your content from what is being presented on your page directly about your services, information, and products!

Finally, get over the “am I bothering people” syndrome! Invite people to your page and request that they become your fan! Request that they click on that “like” button! Use that as a resource to ask and answer questions, send update and let people know what promotions are coming up, what releases you have planned, and make sure you use relevant keywords and phrases about your business! Make this an active part of what you do because every post and every action that ANY member takes on your page is then posted on the pages of EVERY member in your group and guess what...A LINK BACK TO YOUR PAGE which will lead them once again back to your blog!

LASTLY...TWEET TWEET!
Yea people use it for the purpose of telling the mundane tasks of everyday life, however twitter can be used to serve announcements from your blog and even from facebook! It is your opportunity to simply go and respond and share great resources with people who are looking up things for your keyword search! Look up your keywords on twitter and anything related to that, post something with a back link to your facebook or to your blog!

Once again, these links got posted on search engines automatically and lead as a back entrance to your own endeavors!

And don't be afraid to use the plugins that come with blogs as well that post automatically!

With these tactics, people should start to “see” you online and as they begin to see you and you continuously do these things, people will start saying “wow, I see him/her everywhere, I may want to see what they are talking about!” With that, you have garnered the attention of one other person, keep doing what you're doing and you could end up with millions following you!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

The Death of Sex

Maybe it was just me, or maybe I'm just hearing things that other people don't want to hear!

UNMARRIED FOLK WHO ARE SAVED AND SANCTIFIED FILLED WITH THE HOLYGHOST WITH A MIGHTY BURNING FIRE, EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES...ARE HAVING SEX!

I just want people to understand that and to get passed it! As a conservative Hebrew Pentecostal Rabbi, it is best that we deal with the facts and STOP trying to live in this fictional world that the RELIGIOUS “WRONG” has made up in their minds because they are themselves like the Pharasaic sect who diveds, the “Christian Crusaders” who kills, and the religiously pious who keeps the doors of the Kingdom shut except for the few who will follow them as they follow in the footsteps of their father...ARROGANCE AND PRIDE!

Ok...now I've gotten that out the way (but I'm far from finished)...we go to the story about The Southland Christian School in St. Cloud, Florida! So they fired an elementary school teacher, Jarretta Hamilton, for having had sex before she was married. Under this schools strict morality rules, no person is allowed to engage in “fornication” which in today's minds eye means “sex before you're married,” although, if you will take a look at what fornication is, EVEN THE MARRIED CAN DO IT WITH THEIR OWN SPOUSE...that's neither here nor there at this point though (SEE FORNICATION WHAT IS IT FROM MY RELIGIOUS BLOG - HERE)

This is amazing to me that even at this time that someone who is a responsible adult who didn't lie but told the truth and got punished for having sexual intercourse before she was married to the man that she had planned to openly confess her love and devotion towards! Her mistake seemingly wasn't that she had sex outside of marriage, it was telling them that she conceived 3 weeks before she got married!

At this point, I question the “celibacy until marriage” policy that many churches, ministries, institutions, and ministerial leaders have established as the “line of Holiness.” In my own practice when I do marriage counseling, one of my first questions is have you had sex and was it fulfilling to the both of you? Why do I ask this, well I know that marriage is something that I want, desire, and hope that people will remain steadfast within its confines for years! The fire below is one of the ways to keep that yearning and want for your partner intact! Mind you...that is BEFORE they get married and make a PUBLIC AFFIRMATION OF THEIR PRIVATE DEVOTION!

More than 90% of couples in this day and time (and even years ago) have sex before they get married! Sex is not something that most people within the confines of the religious community like to discuss but abstinence is NOT the norm just so that you know and understand, especially amongst those about to wed! One of the reasons why the “honeymoon” is such a big issue is because most premarital counselors (religious or not) ask that they who are getting married abstain from sexual contact for one month before marriage! It has nothing to do with “we've been waiting for these last 5 years of being together,” it has to do with “whew, we went from almost everyday to not being able to do 'it' for an entire month, this is going to be a powerful release of emotion, frustration, and Love!”

So did Mrs. Hamilton act in an immoral or unethical way by having sex with her fiance? I personally must say...NO SHE DIDN'T! Why do I say this, I say this on the basis that marriage is NOT the beginning of a relationship, public affirmation is the ending of one's private relationship! The marriage relationship doesn't begin at the public confession, IT ENDS THERE! Why do I say that? I say that based on the fact that if one is publicly affirming their love and devotion to the other person, I would hope that they have already been married to one another as they have sought after the Most High with one another in their private time! Marriage to me by description is allowing others into your private lives and personal devotion to one another! If you haven't been privately devoting, what is the point of public affirmation?

Sexual compatibility IS one of the most important aspects of marriage and as such, I personally REFUSE to perform a ceremony for an extremely religious couple who refuses to engage in some form of sexual exploration of one another! Not because I want them to die and go to hell for pre-marital sex but because I want them to know that they are “for” one another! If a man marries a woman and he can't “rise to the occasion,” honestly the woman may feel in some type of way because she isn't “sexy” enough to her husband to even get him to get hard for her! Likewise, what if a woman doesn't climax for her husband, how is he supposed to feel that he can't please his wife? Once you have made a public confession of fidelity and been affirmed in your love...IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP THAT UP BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY because not only are you accountable to G-d but you are accountable to EVERY PERSON who WITNESSED your love and devotion to your spouse!

I also know it's not popular to “co-habitate” before marriage, however, if you don't live in the same household with someone before marriage how are you to know what it's like to live with that person? We have to come out of these puritanical standards of living if we are to really do what we need to do...OR we need to REALLY be puritanical! That means NO DIVORCE and we need to take care of our daughters AND SONS until they find (or are given) a mate!

Ethical sexuality is not defined on whether or not someone is having sex before a public affirmation, it is predicated by love, commitment, and pleasure which should always be placed in the confines of CONSENT!

If the only reason that Mrs. Hamilton was released because of her sexual choices, I believe that the MORAL response is to re-instate her to her rightful position! Now if she was a neglectful educator and did not do as she was instructed to teach children properly then I do stand by their decision for termination! A simple “failure to follow our moral ethics” is not reason enough to fire someone and no I do not think it should be within the confines of anyone's job description!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

PLEASE CONSIDER ADDING DR. "T" WITHIN SOME OF YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS

Blog Feed

Relgious Blog Feed

The Harvest Group

Phoenix Outreach Services

Temple El Shammah

Assemblies of the True and Living G-d

Follow Me on Twitter

Personal Facebook

I Need a Change w/Akilah Michaels - Facebook

Temple El Shammah - Facebook

My Blog

My Religious Blog

Can a Marriage be Saved by Sexual Aids?

For many the word “marriage” is a word that one dare not bring up to someone they are dating! Sure for most women, they get involved with a guy in a long term relationship with the ideal of one day they will be married! Yet for other women, they just want to get their rocks off! The idea that most men go into a relationship actually wanting to get married is at the least absurd (unless of course they've done all the craziness they are planning on doing)! Regardless to which category one finds themselves, for some reason some people seem to think that marriage equates the DEATH OF THE SEX LIFE! This doesn't have to be the case!

It's amazing to me of how many couples who have come into marriage counseling with me who have this one issue and it spins around the issue of sex and sexuality within their marriage relationship! One of the most prevailing questions that I have come across concerning this topic is “Can sex toys save a marriage?” The answer to that question is “NO” in most peoples minds, however, are most people really getting the right “medication” when it comes to marriage and the sexual covenant one makes with their spouse?

Marriage is a covenant that can be summed up in the union of love, friendship, and definitely intimacy with an emphasis on a healthy sex life, however, often times it is the lack of the healthy sex life that contributes to many marriages being broken and fragmented. So what is the issue?

The issue is that society has labeled things as taboo and that leads to an inability to communicate with one's spouse concerning sexual needs and desires, especially within the lives of those who are extremely religious and sees sex as a means to an end and not as a living entity that transcends beyond two people but instead enlivens and invigorates two persons into one being! It is this loss of communication skills and the silly notion that “things will get better” which you can honestly say is a marriage doomed for separation.

Adding to our inability to express ourselves, we often lead a lifestyle that equates busy-ness with success. In that sex gets put on a list to do instead of being on the list to become and everything else (longer working hours, shopping, house work, etc...) gets in the place and in the way of a healthy sex life. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS but honestly speaking from experience, being too tired or having a headache or being too busy is NO reason to replace the coming together of individuals to experience the greatness of their counterpart!

Sex should not be a chore, neither should sex be had only a few times a month, try a few times a week, if your life is really that busy, schedule a few quickies and some real intimate time with your significant other EVERY week! There is nothing greater than fantasizing about your partner and you should anticipate adventure and feel frisky and giddy when you get around your partner! If you aren't experiencing these things, you are SUFFERING!

THERE IS A SOLUTION...well a few!

1) OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND STAT CONVERSING! Understand that fundamentals are key and communication is a fundamental aspect of relationship and is paramount to keeping that relationship healthy and functional. If you think sex is boring and dull and a bore, how do you know that your partner isn't feeling the same way? How do you know if they aren't just settling yourself? How do you know if they are enjoying it or not! If only one half of the people in your relationship knows that there is an issue, guess how quickly your issue will be solved! It won't! It is a proven fact, couples who have open lines of communication and have team sharing activities will have a much more valuable and functional relationship both sexually and non-sexually!

2) MAKE TIME! If you have to plan for a trip away for a weekend every other month just to escape children, friends, family, life...DO IT! When you have this option and opportunity, you should have the same type of sex that you had on your honeymoon! Raw, passionate, deep, and intense! Making time to cultivate your relationship with your spouse is so important! It gives you time off work so you are stressed less and being away in a “strange” place many times helps people to drop their inhibition and rekindle the flickering flame of lust and passion!

3) TRY SOMETHING NEW! You're away from home, try something new that you've never done! Use some satin sheets, change the light bulb to a black light and rub edible neon paint all over one another! All these things can make an impact on how you and your partner views sex! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using candy or lingerie to both entice and please your significant other!

4) GET SOME TOYS AND MOVIES! My favorite! Most people (especially religious people) have a huge issue with sex toys because it's just “UNNATURAL.” Let's get real serious for a moment, I could care less how “unnatural” something is, if it gets my husbands mojo going, I'm all for it! Sex toys (and even purchasing sex toys) doesn't have to be a scary experience. There are so many places online that you can find these toys without ever having to leave your home or anyone seeing what you got and where and where you got it from! Also, let's not forget about movies! Your significant other may like to watch movies, watch them with them, as a matter of fact, try to make a game and experience the movie as it is happening and somewhere in the middle just get lost in one another!

Understand that sex toys are simply aids to add some spice to your sex life. These are chosen so that they will help to increase the intimacy level between you and your partner! This is really amplified in the foreplay, so focus on foreplay and get to know your partner all over again from head to toe! There is nothing wrong with a blindfold or a whip for the beginner! You'll know when it's right to go to something more extreme and daring if your relationship calls for something further!

Make sure you choose things that are comfortable for both partners and keeping in mind the desired effect is not to concentrate on the aids but to become more comfortable with your partner as well as to focus on the pleasure of your partner. The toy should not be the focal point...your partner should be!

So yes...you were right, sex toys won't save your marriage, however, they sure can add that spark needed in order for your marriage to rekindle that flame and that may just be what the doctor isn't telling you!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert
Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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