The Death of Sex

Maybe it was just me, or maybe I'm just hearing things that other people don't want to hear!

UNMARRIED FOLK WHO ARE SAVED AND SANCTIFIED FILLED WITH THE HOLYGHOST WITH A MIGHTY BURNING FIRE, EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES...ARE HAVING SEX!

I just want people to understand that and to get passed it! As a conservative Hebrew Pentecostal Rabbi, it is best that we deal with the facts and STOP trying to live in this fictional world that the RELIGIOUS “WRONG” has made up in their minds because they are themselves like the Pharasaic sect who diveds, the “Christian Crusaders” who kills, and the religiously pious who keeps the doors of the Kingdom shut except for the few who will follow them as they follow in the footsteps of their father...ARROGANCE AND PRIDE!

Ok...now I've gotten that out the way (but I'm far from finished)...we go to the story about The Southland Christian School in St. Cloud, Florida! So they fired an elementary school teacher, Jarretta Hamilton, for having had sex before she was married. Under this schools strict morality rules, no person is allowed to engage in “fornication” which in today's minds eye means “sex before you're married,” although, if you will take a look at what fornication is, EVEN THE MARRIED CAN DO IT WITH THEIR OWN SPOUSE...that's neither here nor there at this point though (SEE FORNICATION WHAT IS IT FROM MY RELIGIOUS BLOG - HERE)

This is amazing to me that even at this time that someone who is a responsible adult who didn't lie but told the truth and got punished for having sexual intercourse before she was married to the man that she had planned to openly confess her love and devotion towards! Her mistake seemingly wasn't that she had sex outside of marriage, it was telling them that she conceived 3 weeks before she got married!

At this point, I question the “celibacy until marriage” policy that many churches, ministries, institutions, and ministerial leaders have established as the “line of Holiness.” In my own practice when I do marriage counseling, one of my first questions is have you had sex and was it fulfilling to the both of you? Why do I ask this, well I know that marriage is something that I want, desire, and hope that people will remain steadfast within its confines for years! The fire below is one of the ways to keep that yearning and want for your partner intact! Mind you...that is BEFORE they get married and make a PUBLIC AFFIRMATION OF THEIR PRIVATE DEVOTION!

More than 90% of couples in this day and time (and even years ago) have sex before they get married! Sex is not something that most people within the confines of the religious community like to discuss but abstinence is NOT the norm just so that you know and understand, especially amongst those about to wed! One of the reasons why the “honeymoon” is such a big issue is because most premarital counselors (religious or not) ask that they who are getting married abstain from sexual contact for one month before marriage! It has nothing to do with “we've been waiting for these last 5 years of being together,” it has to do with “whew, we went from almost everyday to not being able to do 'it' for an entire month, this is going to be a powerful release of emotion, frustration, and Love!”

So did Mrs. Hamilton act in an immoral or unethical way by having sex with her fiance? I personally must say...NO SHE DIDN'T! Why do I say this, I say this on the basis that marriage is NOT the beginning of a relationship, public affirmation is the ending of one's private relationship! The marriage relationship doesn't begin at the public confession, IT ENDS THERE! Why do I say that? I say that based on the fact that if one is publicly affirming their love and devotion to the other person, I would hope that they have already been married to one another as they have sought after the Most High with one another in their private time! Marriage to me by description is allowing others into your private lives and personal devotion to one another! If you haven't been privately devoting, what is the point of public affirmation?

Sexual compatibility IS one of the most important aspects of marriage and as such, I personally REFUSE to perform a ceremony for an extremely religious couple who refuses to engage in some form of sexual exploration of one another! Not because I want them to die and go to hell for pre-marital sex but because I want them to know that they are “for” one another! If a man marries a woman and he can't “rise to the occasion,” honestly the woman may feel in some type of way because she isn't “sexy” enough to her husband to even get him to get hard for her! Likewise, what if a woman doesn't climax for her husband, how is he supposed to feel that he can't please his wife? Once you have made a public confession of fidelity and been affirmed in your love...IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP THAT UP BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY because not only are you accountable to G-d but you are accountable to EVERY PERSON who WITNESSED your love and devotion to your spouse!

I also know it's not popular to “co-habitate” before marriage, however, if you don't live in the same household with someone before marriage how are you to know what it's like to live with that person? We have to come out of these puritanical standards of living if we are to really do what we need to do...OR we need to REALLY be puritanical! That means NO DIVORCE and we need to take care of our daughters AND SONS until they find (or are given) a mate!

Ethical sexuality is not defined on whether or not someone is having sex before a public affirmation, it is predicated by love, commitment, and pleasure which should always be placed in the confines of CONSENT!

If the only reason that Mrs. Hamilton was released because of her sexual choices, I believe that the MORAL response is to re-instate her to her rightful position! Now if she was a neglectful educator and did not do as she was instructed to teach children properly then I do stand by their decision for termination! A simple “failure to follow our moral ethics” is not reason enough to fire someone and no I do not think it should be within the confines of anyone's job description!

Dr. Tanya A. Alkhaliq - Author | Speaker | Minister | Life Redesign Expert

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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