Jan 4, 2009

Essentials for Development

What do we need to develop into great individuals?

Why is it that so many "adults" don't have the necessary components to function as ADULTS?

One possibility is that we don't have the essentials for development and that we didn't receive them as we were growing into ourselves! As a matter of fact, many of us don't grow into ourselves, we grow into what others expect of us!

In order for us to properly develop, there are four essentials to developing!
Safety, Connection, Value, and Love

There are so many people in the world who don't have these needed essentials for development which is why we see war, famine, disease, depression...NAME SOMETHING!

Once again, when we relate to ourselves as adults, we have to learn what we didn't learn as children and re-learn how to relate through our analytical mind!

In my book FEAR: It's Not an Option, I state that you must visualize yourself in a state of being before that state of being will actually manifest! Sometimes the best visualization is made by making a declaration such as "I am safe, connected, valued, and loved."

Pay close attention to how you feel when you say those words, do you really mean them, are you being honest with yourself, or are you like your childhood not feeling any of these things but just re-learning to lie to yourself like the statement "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."

Also, when in a relationship with someone (including our kids), we cannot only declare that statement to ourselves but to our spouse as well and that will serve as a reminder of the place that we are trying to get to in order to fulfill our vision of life!

Self-affirmation is one of the most powerful tools that we have in order to transform our lives, our friends, our family, our communities, and ultimately all nations! If you can believe it for yourself, others will see the change and ultimately can believe it for oneself!

It’s human nature not only to feel safe, connected, valued, and loved ourselves, but also to make sure everyone else feels that way too.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Jan 3, 2009

Tantra: The Art of Pure Sexual Expression

Tantric sexuality is truly the fundamental of learning how to do "energy work" or basically how one learns how to move/transform what is considered the "life force" energy so that one can become more clear in their spiritual walk and understanding of G-d and even their lives.

WHAT IS TANTRA
First and foremost, Tantra is not a "belief system" and therefore has no doctrine of appropriate order as with all other systems of beliefs. It is most concerned with method and technique and has very little to do with what we consider "guiding principles of life."

Tantra literally means the technique, the method, or the path which precludes it from being philosophical in any way! Tantra is not concerned with why things happen but moreso "how": in an essence it's not about what is true but with how the TRUTH can be attained.

Do to Tantra being a technique, it is therefore a specific science attached and therein lays the difference between a "belief system" and a "technique": Philosophy and Science. Philosophy wants to know why while tantra asks, how? At that moment that "how" is asked, theories become meaningless and experience becomes the center of understanding

Tantra is also a means of transformation in order to have the experience. Tantra is not based in intellect but instead it is an experience and unless you are receptive and vulnerable to the experience, you will not experience tantra.

Honestly speaking, tantra is NOT solely about sex (as many people do believe)! It is a series of techniques that seeks to alter the consciousness of the individual and only a few of these techniques relate directly to sex or sexuality. Most are non-sexual techniques which can be applied during the act!

Over the next few weeks, we will be discussing the teachings that can be used to build intimacy, expand the sexual pleasure, or possibly even transform the relationship that you are currently in.

Please come back for more teaching concerning tantric sexuality!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Dec 31, 2008

New Years Revolutions

In this past year, I've gone through so much and have seen many things: both good and bad, however, I wouldn't take back or change ANYTHING that has transpired in my life or on a national or global scale!

We all at the end of the year usually writing down sometimes or just making mental ascent to things that we would like to do and we call them RESOLUTIONS! First and foremost, a resolution should not be something that we go into the New Year to begin, instead, a resolution is to make the statement and the case to stop, cease, and desist from some form of activity so that other more pertinent goals can be made manifest! Instead we negate our goals by stating that we're going to begin doing something that actually NEVER gets done!

Today, I propose a solution to that issue!

REVOLUTION!!!!

This state of mind will help you commit to creating personal and mind altering changes that are permanent in nature. It takes a bold commitment to becoming a person that demonstrates activities needed for you to nurture your persona, not limiting yourself, but instead freeing yourself to being a greater more efficient and effective person.

After all the fireworks have ended, the drinking binges are done, and the eating is over...there is still much work to do!

This new year holds so much hidden potential which is why we must revolutionize our way of thought not only about the things to do but about ourselves! We must revolutionize to see ourselves producing in 2009 and certainly we should've been planning for this "newness" in 2008.

Let's make each new day work better than the day before and not just wait for things to happen, but let's get motivated to make things happen! We have to define our own moments in time, let's make that definition TODAY!!!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Dec 26, 2008

What Happens Now?

At this time of year there are so many people who get into the "Christmas" Spirit. Overall everyone seems to be in a Happy-Go-Lucky type mood (except for the few scrooges you meet) and blatantly helpful towards people in their immediate vicinity.

I see the dualistic personalities and attitude shifts from before this season all the way up through January 2. Every year it's the same thing! We are so happy and somewhat helpful to people in unfortunate situations.

Those who are less fortunate than ourselves we seem to cling to so that we can say we did something good for someone else. Why is it that we don't do these type of things all year long simply based upon the premise of "it's the proper and 'right' thing to do?"

Have you ever considered what it would be like to not have any food? Or better yet you're being evicted because you can't pay your rent?

I don't speak from a point that I don't understand, I speak from the point that I've been in the situation. Having to sleep in my car, go to school, can't afford rent, had only $5 in my pocket, just put $10 in the gas tank, have only one pack of noodles, and that had to last me for two weeks! I was poor and guess what, to my dismay it was NOT the Christmas season: it was only October!

I would want to think that we as American's would become a support system for those who are less fortunate, especially in an economic crisis.

As we swiftly approach the new year, my question becomes: What Happens Now?

Will you continue exhibiting the dualistic nature of giving vs. not giving, or will you remain in a state of bliss and continue to develop a bond of brother- and sisterhood with the people of this world?

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Dec 25, 2008

What is Sexual Morality?

What is Sexual Morality?

It is important to make moral and ethical decisions about sex and sexuality. Let us not get these two terms confused in the meaning for which they are being used. For the purpose of this article, I am using sex as the actual act of intercourse where there is penetration or oral-to-genital contact. Sexuality is being used as the inherent association one has to the opposite-, the same sex, or both sexes.

Honestly speaking, moral sexuality is made up of components that make the act of sex honest, pleasurable for both parties, non-exploitive, and consensual to all the forms of expression that may transpire in sexual encounter. In addition, one needs to know that it takes communication and trust in order to have a positive experience.

In times past, the issue of morality was not a sexual issue, instead it was an issue based upon honesty and open communication from one person to another. In other words, those individuals who are governmental officials who are not truthful and dishonest about their insider trading are MORALLY CORRUPT, however, this does not stop them from being voted into office, nor does it have the “religious right” to attempt to enact laws that ban these people from privileges that should be afforded to all people!

This is not the place or the time to discuss the issue of morality, so I will digress and continue with the issue at hand: SEXUAL MORALITY!

As some would propose, sexual morality is totally based upon with whom one sleeps and gives no room for the sexual practices of any other sexuality than heterosexuality (some would even go on to say that some sexual practices are immoral). This is incorrect because sexuality is not based upon who one sleeps with, however, it is based upon the principles stated above.

A moral sexuality can be shared amongst any two people regardless to their sexual practices or whether there be two men or two women involved.

The issue in America (and now abroad because of the proliferation of European standards of morality based upon skewed and distorted views of the Bible) concerning morality is not based in ethics, instead, it is based upon a willful desire to control the actions and thoughts of individuals to match that of their own.

Ethically speaking, all sexuality based upon the principles stated above should be not only tolerated but accepted within overall society, why? President George W. Bush stated “In our free society, people have the right to choose how they live their lives,” it is truly shameful that along with that statement that people take the time to make sure that people who decide to live their lives according to their choosing end up having laws created against them. This is bad ethics and has absolutely no regard for ALL people.

Contrary to popular belief, the United States is not a Christian nation and was not founded upon Christian principles, as such; we have a right to accept and uphold all people based upon the content of their character and not based upon a warped view of morality presented by right wing religionists.

Sexuality is inherent in our nature, we are sexual creatures and when we learn how to properly explore our sexuality based upon the above principles, then our sexuality becomes MORAL: not because I’m a woman and I have sex with a man to whom I just so happen to be married!

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Dec 24, 2008

What Are Your Plans? - Part 2

Another year here, another year gone but, look how far we've come! We are about to enter into a new level of life; a place that we've never seen and we won't see again!

What am I talking about? Mr. Barack Hussein Obama: he has made historical landmarks and hopefully with that, he has changed mindsets of many Americans who identify as black about how hard work and strategic implementation can and will pay off if you persevere through your obstacles.

I see and hear people speak about all the future opportunities that they see awaiting them in the coming year, yet, they don't speak as dreamers: instead they speak as an over comer who having ascertained all that needs are simply awaiting for their prize to be realized in their own lives through hard work.

If you're reading this, I know that you are one of those people who see your prize and you're willing to do what needs to be done in the new year to make sure that you secure your "piece of the pie." You are part of the new stars who are going to outshine and illuminate those in your circle of influence because you understand your purpose and won't allow limitations to hinder you!

It is so important to "DEVELOP YOUR STRATEGY AND IMPLEMENT YOUR PLAN" in these coming weeks in order to enter the new year running!

Habbakuk 2: 2
And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make [it] plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

In this time, these words are so important for us to grasp! When people have talked you down and have utterly cast down your dreams, plans, goals, and visions: it is up to you to WRITE IT or STRATEGIZE it for the purpose of IMPLEMENTATION so as those who don't have time to stop and look at what you have to say fully will yet understand that you have a plan of action! They will see it unfold before their own eyes, just like you will see it AFTER you develop your strategy!

Developing a strategy is not an easy process all the time either! Based upon the fact that everyone doesn't know their goals, it is important to sit down and configure your goals (both long-term and short-term). After you have successfully identified your goals, you can begin to develop a successful plan to deliberately ensure your purpose-driven goals are realized. Not only do you take into account the successes of your strategy but you must also account for the pitfalls which may come which also include alternative solutions to your minor setbacks!

Transitioning while writing and implementing your strategic plans are not always enjoyable, actually it can be very frightening because you will come to some realizations about yourself and those around. Everyone around you is not always "for" you, and therefore are unnecessary weight!

KEY POINT: If they don't serve a purpose that is conducive to your plans and are backing you 100% as you develop yourself - DUMP THEM!

This is such a hard thing to do because some of these people have spoken words of encouragement into your life and have been great friends, Pastors and Ministers, even family members, however, how worthy are they to be able to remain if they can't support you in YOUR OWN LIFE GOALS?

If they won't support you, surely they will be negative with you towards your intentions. This will cause you to lose focus, get depressed, and even to give up adding more lifeless energy into your chaotic cesspool of dreams, gifts, and talents that have never been realized because of your inability to unconditionally love yourself and make it happen REGARDLESS to who believed in you!

CASE IN POINT: It is so much easier to realize your goals alone with minimal accolades than it is with maximum distraction and disapproval.

The question is not whether you can or can't realize your dreams, the question is "ARE YOU WILLING TO DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IN ORDER FOR YOUR DREAMS TO MANIFEST?" Only you know the answer to that question! I will say if you're not tired of coming up empty handed year after year and watching the man with the saw get closer and closer to you to cut your head, then you won't move and next year will be another year of unrealized potential and failed purpose!

If you're like me, then you're going to begin to make some serious changes even before the new year begins! Yes you'll be like me and determine a result-oriented strategy for manifesting your dreams.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF...
1) What/Who do I need to eliminate out of my life in order to fulfill my purpose?

2) What type of person should I add to my inner circle in order that we are co-helpers to one another and thus both of us realize our potential and force the others' vision to manifest?

3) What is my life plan, what do I want to see happen in my life in 3 years; in 5 years; in 10 years; in 25 years; in 50 years?

4) What 3 - 7 measurable actions can I immediately implement to make sure that I realize my purpose and fulfill my purpose daily?

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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Dec 16, 2008

Gay is Not the New Black

by Irene Monroe of the Huffington Post

If you are African American and gay, and fighting alongside your white brothers and sisters for queer civil rights, the notion that "Gay is the new black" is not only absurdly arrogant, it is also dangerously divisive.

In a presumably "post-racial" era with the country's first African American president-elect, it's easy for some to assume that race doesn't matter.

But when critiquing the dominant white gay community's ongoing efforts to gain marriage equality and its treatment of blacks as their second-class allies in the struggle a reality check happens -- both straight and queer African American communities bond together against their strategy for marriage equality.

Why?

Because race does matter!

Case in point: Proposition 8 and blaming the black community for its win at the ballot box.

The Proposition 8 debate has brought much consternation and polarization between white gay community and African Americans.

And with the expectation of a dominantly white Marriage Equality movement pushing forward a single -- issue agenda, the movement arrogantly ignores vital ways for coalition -- building within black communities, and honorable ways of connecting their struggle to those of African Americans.

But there's an example that defused the tension in much of the heterosexual African American community when it was publicly arguing that same-sex marriage is not a civil rights issue.

In commemorating the 40th Anniversary of Loving v. Virginia in the June 12, 1967 historic Supreme Court decision that advanced racial and marriage equality in this country, the NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc., marked the anniversary by stating the following: "It is undeniable that the experience of African Americans differs in many important ways from that of gay men and lesbians; among other things, the legacy of slavery and segregation is profound. But differences in historical experiences should not preclude the application of constitutional provisions to gay men and lesbians who are denied the fight to marry the person of their choice." And in April of 2006, NAACP LDF filed a friend-of-the-court brief in the case brought by New York same-sex couples challenging their exclusion from marriage.

But the Marriage Equality movement neither extends its reach beyond its concerns within its community nor outside of it.

How the marriage debate should have been framed -- in a way that speaks truth to various queer communities of color and classes -- has not been given considerable concern.

And with no public language to adequately articulate the unique embodiment of queer communities of color and classes within the same-sex marriage debate, this has become contentious. The dominant white queer languaging of this debate, at best, muffles the voices of these communities, and, at worst, mutes them. In other words, in leaving out the voices of queer communities of color and classes, the same-sex marriage debate is hijacked by a white upper class queer universality that not only renders these marginalized queer communities invisible, but -- as it is presently framed -- also renders them speechless.

Within and across states the Marriage Equality movement persistently dons white leadership. Faces of color become important, visible and needed to the Marriage Equality movement only when the movement is actually pimping a black page from the civil rights movement for a photo-op moment to push their agenda.

Saying "Gay is the new black" poses the following problems for many African Americans:

* The Marriage Equality movement exploits black suffering and experiences to legitimate its own;

* The Marriage Equality movement's rallying cry against heterosexist oppression dismisses its own responsibility when it comes to white skin privilege.

* The Marriage Equality movement appropriates the content of the black civil rights movement, but discards the context and history that brought about it.

But this is not surprising because the larger queer movement has distorted, if not erased, its own history when it come to the Stonewall Riot of June 27-29, 1969 in Greenwich Village, New York City, which started on the backs of working-class African-American and Latino transgender patrons of the bar. Those brown and black queer people are not only absent from the photos of that historic night, but they are also bleached from the annals of queer history and gay pride events.

Because of the bleaching of the Stonewall Riots, the beginnings of queer movement post-Stonewall is an appropriation of black and brown transgender liberation narratives absent of black and brown people. And it is the visible absence of these black, brown and yellow queer people that makes it harder for white queer elites in our movement to confront their racism and trans-phobia.

If African American queerpeople are not included in the history and in the decision -making issues involving queer life, how then can the movement expect our participation, let alone the rest of the African American community?

Sadly, if racism continues to go unchecked in the Marriage Equality movement it won't only cost California's queer community the right to marry, it will cost us all.

Tanya A. Alkhaliq -Author, Speaker, Business Success Coach, Minister

Tanya Alkhaliq is an intersex black woman who is a Life Change Expert with an emphasis in intersex issues and counseling while specializing in self-identity development, relationship issues, gender and sexual understandings, spiritual reformations, career choices, young-adult developmental issues, and issues pertaining to fear.

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